Pilgrim Days

Seeing the fruit flourish.

2011-09-19T11:57:00.000-07:00

Today I was encouraged by a lunch with a couple of girls.

When I found out I would be placed at Wake Forest for the internship, a dear Christian lady who I had known from my time at Camp Marannook called me excitedly because she had attended Wake Forest, though she was a non-believer at the time. She had been praying for Wake Forest for some time, that it would be penetrated by the gospel. She said, if a ministry like RUF had been there, if an intern had reached out to her, maybe she would have known Christ sooner.

20 years later...

Today at lunch, these two sweet freshmen girls were exclaiming over the surprise about their time at Wake Forest so far. They said how they expected to battle these pressures of partying all the time. They thought that their relationship with the Lord would struggle. Instead, they said that they're relationships with God have already been strengthened so much and they have grown in their walk with the Lord. They said that instead of being influenced to depart from Christ, they've been influenced to walk with Him.

I had an email from a mother of a student here. She wrote of her daughter's experience; that she was alone and thinking of transferring. However, RUF's influence in her life strengthened her and kept her here and she is now flourishing in friendships.

Sometimes He keeps us in the wilderness. He makes us cling to Him, so that His glory above all else will be known. If we see the product, our sin so distorts the thing to make it about us. But, after some time, He chooses to reveal some of the fruit that He has been fostering. I am encouraged. I am motivated to press on for the high calling, knowing that endless Pit dates and movie nights are not all in vain.

Praise God that He works in spite of our weakness. Because that woman had nowhere to turn to for spiritual growth, she turned to prayer for the campus. The Lord was preparing a place for the Kingdom to come on Wake Forest's campus. Now, 300 people come to large group. 60 freshmen come to freshman Bible study. May the Lamb receive the reward of His suffering... even if just one comes to know Christ through this ministry.

the Church.

2011-09-13T06:45:00.000-07:00

"Cause I haven't come for only you
but for my people to pursue
You can not care for me with no regard for her
If you love me you will love the church

I have long pursued her

as a harlot and a whore

but she will feast upon me

she will drink and thirst no more

So when you taste my flesh and my blood

you will know you’re not alone "

- Derek Webb

Girls and I at leadership retreat

I want to boast about my local Church for a bit. We are going through some changes with our RUF right now. They have swept in, met with me, asked about me, supported me financially, and loved me as the Church is supposed to care for her people. I feel undeserving. Maybe that's the point. I'm undeserving of God's grace, aren't I? They have displayed to me the purpose of the Church.

Kevin and I at Back to School party

We have our second large group tonight. My local pastor will be preaching for us tonight on Psalm 1. We had our second freshman Bible study yesterday. Again, 60-70 kids showed up. Pray that they would be known, that they would not be just another new face or name at Wake Forest. Pray they would be known by someone in RUF and moreso, by Christ.
"And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd. For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it up again." - John 10:16-17

Off to another day!

Freshmen and sophomores (with me) at Back to School party

1st Annual, much needed I might add, Wake RUF leadership retreat

So, what's going on with RUF at Wake Forest?

2011-08-23T11:02:00.000-07:00

Enough with my ramblings. A new year is about to begin!

I am SO excited that things are starting back up and that students are showing up.

This week we have Preschool. Wake has several orientation options for the week before classes start. Preschool is the religious life orientation. So, around 80 students will be on campus this week listening to devotionals, learning about the different campus ministries, etc. It's a great way to meet new freshmen.

Many sophomores are here to be preschool leaders. Its amazing to see them! These were "my" freshmen last year. These are students who entered the Wake Forest world with me, though we were coming from different perspectives. I love reunions. Its one of my favorite things... to be reunited with someone you care about that you haven't seen for an extended period of time. Excuse the cheesiness of this, but I think it reminds me of the love in my life. Yes, I said it. You remember how blessed you are by people because you realize how much you really are connected with them and how much you have missed them during your time apart. So, that's what the last couple of days have been. Being reunited with RUF freshmen, now sophomores and other new friends I made last year. I like Winston-Salem and I like Wake Forest, a lot.

I picked up two different freshmen from the airport yesterday. The girl was from a town of 65, yes, 65, in Colorado. Most of her friends were going to rodeo school. And, here she is moving to Winston-Salem, attending a school where people aren't going to the rodeo on the weekends. Then, I picked up a boy from Boston. An Arminian boy from a family of 7 who has lived in Boston his whole life. As we drove into the city to the CO girl, and small town to Boston boy, they had a very appropriate anticipation and nervousness about them. They had eager faces and such a vulnerability that I love. I wondered in my head what their next four years will look like. I wonder what heartbreak they will experience. I wonder what successes they will enjoy. I wonder what questions they will ask. Who will be their friends? Where will you get plugged in? I have a bit of jealousy. I think often of how I would have done things differently if I could go through college again. But, I guess I wouldn't have done them differently because I wouldn't know what I would want if I had not experienced what I did during my four years at Auburn. I have mixed feelings of excitement and sorrow for incoming freshmen. They are about to go on a crazy ride. I guess all I can say is, brace yourself. You're about to be changed. And that's exciting. That's life.

So, that's where we are at for the beginning of our year at Wake. I guess I need to brace myself. Things are about to get busy... Back to School party, first large group, leadership retreat, freshmen Bible study, sorority Bible studies, Global Missions Fellowship, half-marathon group, Fall conference, Parent's brunch, football games and tailgates, new freshmen and one-on-ones. Phew. I'm breathing.

And, decisions about next year. Here we go.

Playing silent football last night with students... most entertaining game, ever.

**On a side note, support. I have around $8,000 left to raise for the year. Meaning, I am 75% funded which is wonderful! If you would like to help with my support, visit http://www.ruf.org/donate. Any donations are welcome! No matter the size. Thanks so much for your support!!!

Joy in suffering.

2011-08-21T21:55:00.000-07:00

The last couple of days the thorn in my flesh wanted to keep poking at me, reminding me that I am inevitibly, continually weak. My initial, fleshly reaction is to kick and scream, feel sorry for myself, and sulk into depression. Why me? Yes, there is deep pain throughout this world, but surely mine is the worst. (Please include a sarcastic tone in that statement.) Surely the Lord has forgotten me and I am too irredeemable.

I went on my daily run today. I was listening to "Pilot Me" by Josh Garrels. "I will arise and follow you, Savior please, pilot me... Over the waves and through every sorrow, Savior please, pilot me." Suddenly, I realized again what it means to take joy in my suffering. I realized again the command Jesus says to us to take up our cross daily, and follow Him. Since He called me into His Kingdom, I have asked the Lord to take all of me. I have asked Him to reveal to me His will so that I could follow Him. Yet, when I face the reality of that, I pitch a fit. I thought of the verse, "I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church." - Colossians 1:24 and "If anyone come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." - Luke 9:23. I then realized that it should be a joy to experience disappointment and walk through the wilderness. These are the things that make us usable in His kingdom. When we suffer, we get to experience the suffering of our Lord and become more like Him. We participate in the will of the Father.

This summer when I was in China, our team studied Philippians together. Philippians 2:6-7 says, "Though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant." Our team leader, Daniel, said we must give up our rights. What do we claim to have rights to? Am I demanding those rights from God? Well, a man who was God himself did not consider himself worthy. Yet, He saved the whole world and now sits enthroned in heaven. We talked about Paul. Do you think Paul thought that prison was the best place to be? Do you think he felt like it made sense for him to be there, rather than traveling through Greece preaching the word and planting churches? Well, he didn't question his imprisonment (not that we know of, though he was a weak, sinful man himself.) Rather, he told his prisonmates about the love of his life. He wrote letters from jail, encouraging the churches that he could not physically be a part of. He took joy in the place God had put him. That challenged my discontentment like nothing else. In fact, Paul says later that he has learned to be content in any situation.

Paul learned contentment. As I continue to struggle with the thorn, I begin to rejoice. I take joy that the Lord loves me so much to deal with me, to sanctify me, to draw me close to His side. I take joy in the fact that He has allowed me to play a role in the building of His kingdom. If that means temporary pain, so be it. I get to serve the One I love.

Support Needed

2011-07-14T14:18:00.000-07:00

"My joy grows with every soul that seeks the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. Remember, you have one life. That’s all. You were made for God. Don’t waste it." - John Piper

I am confident that the Lord has called me to serve another year at Wake Forest. I am always learning of my weakness, of my inadequacy, and incapability. I am learning daily that the Lord has called an empty vessel to be His tool to share the Gospel. I think that became even more evident in China when under the most random circumstances, girls came to know the Lord.

Well, I learn it again today, when I feel that this support raising thing is impossible. I feel inadequate and unworthy to raise more money. However, John Piper reminded me through God's Word today, that it is about God's strength and not my own that I am provided for. So, I am praying, and asking humbly for support.

I am still in need of financial support!! I need at least $15,000 more to fully fund my second year at Wake Forest.

I've made a little slideshow to show you what has been going on this year at Wake... to give a glimpse into what the Lord is doing...

If you would like to support my ministry at Wake, go to http://www.ruf.org/donate. Look for my name and Wake Forest under staff member. Or you can send a check with my name in the memo to

1700 N Brown Road Suite 104

Lawrenceville, Georgia 30043.

I am most in need of one time donations at this time, but will certainly take monthly donations as well.

If you have any questions, please contact me at kate.rhodes@ruf.org or call me, 256-599-7521. Thanks so much fo your support thus far!!

He is good, and doeth good [in China], good only, and continually.

2011-07-02T22:39:00.000-07:00

As I reel from jet lag, or maybe just processing the million thoughts running through my head now, I will stay up to finally blog about my time in China while I finally sip on a cold Sam Adams for the first time in a month. It almost seems like a dream. Did I really just spend the last month on the other side of the world making somewhere around 50 new amazing friends -- some American, some Chinese, one New Zealander, some Swedes, some 60 years old, some 5 years old, and I could go on. What prevails in my mind the most is God's providential care for His children. He knows us so much better than we know ourselves. He created us. He knows the things we need and the things we truly desire. A common theme verse during my time at Auburn was "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." - Philippians 1:6. We looked at and memorized this verse during our time in China. My Mom would always tell me, Kate, God is doing the work, He is completing it... not you. And, I think this month was so pivotal in working on that completion of good work in me.

China so quickly came and went. The first week I was there actually kind of sucked. I questioned why I had come, worried about RUF support raising, and just sad to be away from my friends' weddings. I couldn't communicate. I didn't know anyone on my team. And, I was supposed to be somewhat of a leader, yet I couldn't even hold it together. But, quickly the Lord opened my eyes to the reality of my situation. Kate, you're not the only one who feels alone and like a foreigner in a strange land. Its amazing how hearing other believers' stories can be so encouraging. "He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength." (from Isaiah 40). His words are true. He gives strength when we think we have none. All the sudden, my perspective changed... God answered prayers... I fell deeply in love with China, with my team, and with the new friends I made, and mostly, just Him.

We took classes three mornings a week. My southern accent wasn't so adapt to the Chinese tones. It was terribly difficult, but even the language intrigues me and I find the Chinese characters beautiful and fascinating. We met students. I wish I could tell you the story of every one I met, but that might get kind of boring. However, it was really neat to see God's providence in the relationships we made. I wished that I could stay for so much longer and make friends with everyone on that campus. However, he provided a select few for me to pour into in that brief month. Their English names were Tiffany, Judy, Wendy, Ada, Sunshine, Chelsea, and Sammy. Please pray for Judy, Wendy, and Ada. I'm positive the Lord is working in their lives and they have either come to faith are on the verge. It was the most refreshing thing to sit and the read the Word to them for the first time. I told them the stories of Jesus's time here on earth. They sat in anticipation wanting to know what would come next. It was refreshing to hear them make such simple observations... "Your God is so good, He is so kind." They were amazed at that. When I shared the gospel with Ada for the first time, she looked at me and said, "Thank you." I told her not to thank me... that it was by God's grace that we are saved, that we should thank Him for salvation. She said, "But, thank you for telling me." That impacted me so much. That's all I have to do for someone's life to be turned upside down in a beautiful way... tell them. Tell them about Jesus, about the gospel.

I learned so much from the Chinese Christians. They take Jesus at His word. He says to trust Him, that He has perfect plans for us and that He can not fail. The Christians I met believed it as though there was no other option or thought. They looked at me, like, why would I ever worry? That's a crazy thing. Jesus says He in control. Oh, me of little faith and my brothers and sisters who have such great faith. They encouraged me so much.

I could go on and on. However, I think I will stop here for now. My mind is reeling. I miss China, so much. I miss my team. They became such good friends to me. I miss Judy and Tiffany and Ada. In the song, "Ten Thousand Time Ten Thousand", Henry Allford writes, "On Canaan's happy shore; What knitting severed friendships up where partings are no more! Then eyes with joy shall sparkle." I look forward to that; to be united with all believers and never having to say good bye. That will be good. What will be even greater is to be with our Maker. The one who knit us together in our mothers' wombs and numbered our days. That is why I want to go throughout the world, to tell them about Him. Today, God has given me an affluent college campus in the US to do that and for that I'm thankful.

We bought books for our Chinese friends at the only legalized Christian bookstore in our city. I bought Streams in the Desert for one of the girls, and I decided to read the last few devotionals to see what she has been reading. These words provide great wisdom for me right now... from the great missionary, Hudson Taylor, "The Lord is my Shepherd; is on Sunday, is on Monday, and is through every day of the week; is in January, is in December, and every month of the year/ Is at home, and is in China; is in peace, and is in war; in abundance, and in penury!... All God's dealings are full of blessing: He is good, and doeth good, good only, and continually. The believer who has taken the Lord as his shepherd can assuredly say in the words of the psalmist: 'Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.'"

"the great unchangable I AM"

2011-04-28T13:07:00.000-07:00

What a weird day, today has been.

Life is in transition right now. I'm rounding out my first year of the internship at Wake Forest and oddly contemplative and emotional about it. It's been a really good year. It's been challenging.

Yesterday, I talked with a lady who works for a particular missions organization. I had planned to work with them two years ago, and my plans were veered to do the internship. Two years later, an opportunity has opened up to serve with them for six weeks this summer in East Asia. She remembered talking to me two years ago and was excited to hear my story of what God had been doing in my life since. As I told her my story, she talked about how everything I have been doing and experiencing is actually wonderful preperation for overseas work. It was a really encouraging conversation of God's sovereignty.

Yesterday, we had our end of the year picnic. However, it was interrupted by tornado sirens. We had a brief intermission and then continued our picnic. Again, some sadness and excitement in seeing these dear faces for either the last time or the last time untill Fall. Encouraged and sentimental over the blessings of this year.

After that, I somewhat spontaneously, somewhat had been thinking about this for a while, decided to watch The Passion of the Christ for the first time since I was a sophomore in high school. There were a few guys watching it so I joined them.

Wow. My heart churned, my eyes swelled, my mind can't comprehend the love of Jesus Christ. I'm overwhelmed by why He has allowed me to understand His truth. Pilate asked, "What is truth?" after Jesus says, "For this purpose I was born and for this purpose I have come into the world - to bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice." (John 18) Jesus is truth. I think I was struck by His humanity, His choice to bear the pain of betrayel and pain of being beaten, His intense temptation. That humanity, that death, that resurrection, that is truth. That allows me to have hope in what I'm claiming to stake my life on. "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6)

A couple of days ago I was reminded of the true intent of the overused, misinterpretted verse, Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I must delight in Jesus and then my desires will be right and will be filled. I was thinking of how I desired to desire Him. Today, I'm delighting in Him. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, on this earth that could go to the depths and extremes of love that He did for me and for you who believe.

Then, I came home, halfway sick to my stomach from the combination of picnic food and anguish in watching the Passion, and my throat a little scratchy from literally belting at the top of my lungs in my car these words. They were only most appropriate...

"Before the throne of God above

I have a strong and perfect plea

A great high priest whose name is love

Who ever lives and pleads for me

My name is graven on His hands

My name is written on His heart

I know that while in heaven He stands

No tongue can bid me thence depart

When satan tempts me to despair

And tells me of the guilt within

Upward I look and see Him there

Who made an end of all my sin

Because a sinless Savior died

My sinful soul is counted free

For God the just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me

Alleluiah! Alleluiah!

Praise the one risen Son of God

Behold Him there the risen Lamb

My perfect spotless righteousness

The great unchangable I AM

The King of glory and of grace

One with Himself I can not die

My soul is purchased by His blood

My life is hid with Christ on high

With Christ my Savior and my God

Alleluiah! Alleluiah!

Praise the one risen Son of God

Alleluiah! Alleluiah!

Praise the one risen Son of God

Alleluiah! Alleluiah!

Praise the one risen Son of God

Alleluiah! Alleluiah!

Praise the one risen Son of God"

- Before the Throne of God Above

"Whom do you seek?' They answered him, 'Jesus of Nazareth.' Jesus said to them, 'I am he.'" - (John 18:5) He is the great I AM. And we seek to love Him or we seek to destroy Him. But, He is Jesus of Nazareth. He is who Isaiah speaks of, "But there will be no gloom for her who was in anguish. In the former time he brought into contempt the land of Zenulun and the land of Naphtali, but in the latter time he has made glorious the way of the sea, the land beyond the Jordan, Galilee of the nations. The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined." (9:1-2)

So, when I came home, I learned of the magnitude of destruction in Alabama from the tornadoes. I was saddened again for the immense disaster in my home state. I began to watch videos and watch the death toll rise. Though I am safe in North Carolina, I was oddly sad not to be home with them. No one that I know personally experienced tragedy, just damage to homes or debris in yards. My family is on their way to south Alabama because my home town will have a power outage for several days. They don't have gas supplies and traffic lights are out. It's quite chaotic. But, I know that in some ways this is a dent in comparison to disasters in Japan and New Orleans and Haiti.

I am so thankful that Christ has conquered death. Praise Him for that. Now, I'm praying that I would become more bold in proclaiming that truth.

Ok, what a sporadic post and heavy. But, these are my thoughts today and I was in much need for a post update.

Peace.

What's ahead?

2011-03-02T11:28:00.000-08:00

New York City.

YAY!

"We believe that nothing promotes the peace and health of the city like the spread of faith in the gospel. It renews both individual lives and reweaves the fabric of whole neighborhoods. We believe that nothing moves Christians to humbly serve, live with, and love all the diverse people of the city like the gospel does." - Redeemer Vision

We will be leaving Saturday to go to NYC. We have a group of 17 going.

What's on the agenda, you ask?

- Redeemer Presbyterian - hearing Tim Keller speak

- RUF at NYU

- Graffiti Church - working with low income children in backyard bible schools in the East Village

- Hearing from NewSong Church in Harlem

- Hearing from leaders in Redeemer - hearing their vision for the city

- Having fun in this amazing, amazing city!!!

The Lord has been so gracious ot allow me to go on this trip. It's neat to see how He has put it together. My prayer is that students would be impacted by the need of the Gospel in the city and the power of the Gospel in the city. These students will be in the midst of this environment very soon once they graduate, and I want them to see the urgency of God's Kingdom in the city. I've had a passion and heart for this city for a long time and I look forward to learning more about the ministry there next week.

We leave Saturday morning and return next Thursday... though I am going to stay a couple of extra days to hang out with some students who will be in New York for an art trip. Pray for safety too!

I can't wait to share with ya'll how things go.

Also... I'm so excited to be able to attend the Gospel Coalition Conference in Chicago in April! I just wish that I could retain all of the amazing teaching that I am receiving and will be receiving in the next month or so.

I get to hear from Tim Keller, Matt Chandler, Michael Horton, John Piper, Bryan Chapell, and music from Kevin Twit and Sandra McCracken... just to name a few. I'm so pumped!

In the meantime... Kevin is continuing to preach through the gospel of Mark. It has been really powerful in breaking and shaping students and myself!! Last night he spoke from Mark 10 about the Rich Young Ruler. What is he asking us to surrender in order for Him to truly be Lord of our lives? What is controlling your joy, contentment, and security? Christ or something else?

My prayer is that I will lay those things at His feet that control me. That I will be fully content in who He is. I should be because this is true...

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ." - Ephesians 1:3-10

Also... we had our 4th meeting for Global Missions Fellowship. We heard from a student who grew up in Thailand and Guatemala for the majority of her life. She was especially impacted by the orphanages in Thailand. Its so amazing to hear about God's work throughout the nations. I am SO excited to be able to spend time with this group of people who have a deep conviction for the global and persecuted church. We have spent time in prayer for Christians who are facing much danger because of their faith in the Middle East during this turmultuous time. Please keep them in your prayers.

And, finally, I am continuing to lead Kappa and Chi O girls in a study through Prodigal God. I am praying and hoping that this story and the Gospel is tearing down barriers between "elder brothers" and "younger brothers" that can so often formulate in the sorority setting.

As I type out the amazing gifts that God has blessed me with, it's hard for me to admit that I still struggle so much with contentment. That's why all of this teaching is soooo much for me as well as for the students. I'm daily struggling with contentment and finding security and identity in Christ alone.

Thanks for you support and prayers!

my heart shall become your heart.

2011-02-07T16:37:00.000-08:00

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver."Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."

God can't help but be good to us. But He also says He didn't come to bring peace, but a sword. What does that look like? Well, he's going to break us... if He comes into our lives, if we accept Him as Lord, well that means He is Lord of all. That means He takes over all. That means the things we want to take hope and security in, He will take away so that we will take hope and security in Him!

I want to be honest with you. This year has been in one word, humbling. Humbling: to destroy the power, independence, or prestige of. Yep, I'm dependent upon Christ for all things. I am not to receive glory.

I am surrounded by academia. Students, here, are not aspiring to be in ministry when they graduate. Not only that, but I have a leadership role in the midst of it. Its quite scary. I have a co-intern who is has a very, very big personality and a boss who is well respected. Needless to say, I feel small, a lot! And, well, that's good. I came into this thing dependent on this verse... "when I came to you brothers, I did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified." - 1 Corinthians 2:1-2. I came here to proclaim Christ, not for me to be lifted high. Saying that and living it out are two different things. Kevin preached on this passage the other night... "For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul." - Mark 8:35-36 This has dwelt on my heart since then! That's it... taking up your cross daily. For me, it's ok, Kate... who cares if they aren't praising you. That's not my reward. Do I love Jesus for Jesus, or for what He is going to give me? Well, then that would not be love at all, would it? So, I choose to serve Him, humbly.

This all sounded beautiful to me, journaling and praying in a coffee shop in Auburn where people do aspire for ministry, more often. It was great when my friends hosted fundraisers for me and told me how great of an intern I'd be. I patted myself on the back as I thought, look at me humbly taking my place as the gospel-proclaimer among college students. Nope. Jesus is saying... you don't get it. It's hard. It's really, really hard. You will lose your life. This isn't happening because you're great, but because I am great.

But neither is the dissatisfaction that comes when you realize the big pretty house in the fancy neighborhood isn't quite as fulfilling as you thought. It's not much fun when you are fighting once again with your spouse or when you're on the letdown week you return from an amazing weekend in New York City. It's not great when you win a national championship trophy and wake up the next day, thinking, that's it?

What's good? What's hope? Recognizing that the more you lose of yourself, the more you'll find. For me thats when I'd rather be by myself for the afternoon but a freshman girl wants to spend the afternoon watching TV in my apartment instead. It looks like the really tough conversations of how do I get over this temptation to get drunk again, or my future looks really scary! Or maybe its in the outcast guy shows up at RUF and we get to welcome him. Maybe its even in being putdown by my fellow workers in RUF. Its me losing more of myself. It's hard I tell you, but its worth it. See, I feel like I'm knowing more of Christ these days... more of why He died. That's more than enough. It's a beautiful story, really. He said, your reward's in heaven. Maybe our idea of a colonial house with a doctor husband and 3 children isn't always the best thing for us. (Cause, dang it that might be much harder than what I'm enduring). Instead, God knows precisely what He wants to make happen according to His will in our lives for His purpose. That's what we are to live for.

Today, I am gaining much more confidence in Christ. I am learning much more of the scripture... cause it's life to me. I am learning to communicate better. I am learning to trust God for providing for me. I am learning not to be dependent on others to fulfill me. I am learning to be content in my circumstances. That's good... that's really good... but it comes at the price of losing myself.

"Give me all of you!!! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want YOU!!! ALL OF YOU!! I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to KILL IT! No half measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them ALL over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self---in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart." - C.S. Lewis

mockingbird sun.

2011-02-03T17:08:00.000-08:00

I'm a little late in posting this, but a few weeks ago we had one of my favorite RUF events, thus far. We hosted Mockingbird Sun and Rachel Stevener for a private acoustic show for RUF. Mockingbird Sun is a new up and coming band out of Nashville. One of the guys from Mockingbird Sun is about to finish up his internship at Vandy. Rachel Stevener is the former intern from SMU. So, it was definitely an RUF intern filled music night. They were awesome and everyone seemed to love them! Get their EP here.

In the Hours

2011-02-01T21:41:00.000-08:00

The truth of the Gospel in the words of this song are lifting up my head tonight. So glad it was introduced to Wake RUF tonight. And our worship team did an amazing job with it.

In The Hours

1. In the hours of pain and sorrow,
When the world brings no relief
When the eye is dim and heavy,
And the heart oppressed with grief
While blessings flee, Savior Lord we trust in Thee!
While blessings flee, Savior Lord we trust in Thee!

2. When the snares of death surround us,
Pride, ambition, love of ease
Mammon with her false allurements,
Words that flatter, smiles that please
Then ere we yield, Savior Lord be Thou our shield
Then ere we yield, Savior Lord be Thou our shield

3. When forsaken in distress,
Poor despised and tempest-tossed
With no anchor here to stay us,
Drifting, sail and rudder lost
Then save us Thou, who trod this earth with weary brow
Then save us Thou, who trod this earth with weary brow

4. Thou the hated and forsaken,
Thou the bearer of the cross
Crowned of thorns and mocked and smitten,
Counting earthly gain but loss
When scorned are we, We joy to be the more like Thee
When scorned are we, We joy to be the more like Thee

5. Thou the Father¼s best beloved,
Thou the throned and sceptered King
Who but Thee should we adoring,
All our prayers and praises bring?
So blessed are we, Savior Lord in loving Thee
So blessed are we, Savior Lord in loving Thee

Grace & Works Continued...

2011-01-27T18:44:00.000-08:00

Today, Tullian Tchividjian had a wonderful post on his blog in response to an article written on antinomianism, or the negligence of holiness. Here's a paragraph or two from the article, but here's the link to the whole thing.

"The other way, which I believe is the right and biblical way, is so to startle this restraint-free culture with the gospel of free justification that the functional justifications of human approval, moral performance, sexual indulgence, or big bank accounts begin to lose their vice-like grip on human hearts and their emptiness is exposed in all its fraudulence. It sounds backward, but the path to holiness is through (not beyond) the grace of the gospel, because only undeserved grace can truly melt and transform the heart. The solution to restraint-free immorality is not morality. The solution to immorality is the free grace of God—grace so free that it will be (mis)heard by some as a license to sin with impunity. The route by which the New Testament exhorts radical obedience is not by tempering grace but by driving it home all the more deeply.

Let’s pursue holiness. (Without it we won’t see God: Matt 5:8; Heb 12:14.) And let’s pursue it centrally through enjoying the gospel, the same gospel that got us in and the same gospel that liberates us afresh each day (1 Cor 15:1–2; Gal 2:14; Col 1:23; 2:6). As G. C. Berkouwer wisely remarked, “The heart of sanctification is the life which feeds on justification.”

Faith vs. Works

2011-01-26T13:00:00.000-08:00

I have begun reading though Galatians with one of my freshman. Studying this book this morning shed a lot of light on some things I am wrestling with right now.

"For freedom Christ has set us free, stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Look: I, Paul, say to you that if you accept circumcision, Christ will be of no advantage to you. I testify again to every man who accepts circumcision that he is obligated to keep the whole law. You are severed from Christ, you who would be justified by the law; you have fallen away from grace. For through the Spirit, by faith, we ourselves eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith working through love...

But, I say walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for hese are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law." - Galatians 5:1-6, 16-19

How many times will He have to tell us, do not add works to faith. You are jusitified by faith alone, and it is His Spirit working inside of you that sanctifies you and helps you in your good works.

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. For I would have you know, brothers, that the gospel that was preached by me is not man's gospel. For I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it, but I received it through a revelation of Jesus Christ." - Galatians 1:10-12

Even our good works are 100% dependent upon Christ. Meaning, everything is done for Him and through Him. We are to live for Him, not for man.

The Highlights

2010-12-23T11:26:00.000-08:00

Ok, now I'll do your typical year end review& top 10 list. Its amazing to think that a year ago I probably would not have given Wake Forest a second thought. I guess it was on my radar at this point... my CM had mentioned it to me. But, I had done little research. I knew it was in North Carolina and that one of the former interns was Dave Barnes's brother, but that's about it. Leave it to me to be concerned with location and people connections. I knew nothing about its academic strengths, size of school, or sports history. But, Wake Forest is now engrained in me and I love it, dearly. I am thankful this is where the Lord chose for me to be this year. I won't say it hasn't been challenging, it certainly has, but nonetheless priceless. Here are some of my favorite memories thus far.

1. Fall Conference - seeing students out of their studious element was wonderful. I think it was a turning point in the semester, getting to know new people and getting to know others better.

2. New York City trip - that's all I've got to say. I love this city and can not wait to go back for our spring break mission trip. I also loved spending time with Louisa and her family. There were so many blessings about this trip, I can't really narrow it down. I haven't shared pictures yet, so I'll do that now.

3. NEEDTOBREATHE concert at the verrry beginning of the semester. It was a great intro to Wake. I was thankful to get to know some people better.... and uber thankful to meet Seth Bolt and Bear Rinehart!

4. Getting to know these boys. Its been wonderful albeit challenging... I get to work with two of the most ADD people I've ever met, but it's been a blast. I've learned a lot from Tease. Its been wonderful to sit under his teaching and counseling. (And, this is quite possibly the most unflattering/awkward picture of all of us, but I just found it and thought it was hilarious... and it brings up another memory... Preschool!)

5. Bowlin' for Soulin'/these freshman girls... I think this list might be a little out of order, because freshman girls should be #1... but, they have been such a blessing to get to know! Truly, the Lord has gifted our little staff with freshmen eager to get involved in RUF and eager to learn more of the riches of the Gospel. I look forward to watching them grow in Him. Oh and, bowlin' for soulin' has been such a blast. (Which is where this photo was taken hince the combo). I have increased my score to 100!

6. Chattanooga Intern hang out/training! Honestly, one of the best aspects of the internship is getting to know other interns.

7. Auburn trip! Ok, maybe this has nothing to do with Wake RUF, but Auburn football has definitely shaped this semester. And, it was a really great encouragement to return to old RUF friends at Auburn. And meet up with a few current interns at the same time. Plus, I got to take one of my students with me and show her where I come from. She was quite amazed at the difference in Wake and Auburn.

8. Snow at Wake! It was truly one of my favorite days at Wake Forest. Filled with SNOW, friends, and the same day Auburn killed USC in the SEC championship! One of the days you wish wouldn't end.

9. My parents' visit. Again, this feels out of order... should've mentioned earlier. But, it was a great treat to have them see my new world, drive on the Blue Ridge Parkway, and visit Mt. Airy. It was soo good to see my parents.

10. And all the minute stuff... sitting on Mag Patio, eating in the Pit, watching Glee, walking and coffee dates... I am blessed to have the job I have. I am so grateful I get to share with others the love of Jesus Christ.

(Just a few more picture highlights from the year)

Ok, one more thing, and I'll be done. Everything I just said is true, all of those moments were really great and awesome and I'm blessed and thankful for God's goodness. But, all of that leaves out the hard stuff. It leaves out the loneliness, and homesickness, the fear of not making any kind of impact, the conflicts, and just plain life isn't fun right now. Those days were there for sure. But, as hard as it is to say and believe, I'm thankful for those moments too. Because like I posted this morning,

"These inward trials I employ, from self and pride to set thee free, and break thy schemes of

earthly joy, that thou mayest seek thy all in me". In all of this, I want to know Him more

and to be broken of my self. That is what He is doing. I am thankful to look back on the

things He has so generously given though, to recognize my that He is working and He is

aware of my situation. As He is with yours. Praise God that He has given purpose to the

chaos and confusion. He has given meaning to the good times and to the bad. Praise God

that He sent His Son for us. Merry Christmas!!

"And Mary said:

“My soul glorifies the Lord

and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,

for he has been mindful

of the humble state of his servant.

From now on all generations will call me blessed,

for the Mighty One has done great things for me—

holy is his name.

His mercy extends to those who fear him,

from generation to generation.

He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;

he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.

He has brought down rulers from their thrones

but has lifted up the humble.

He has filled the hungry with good things

but has sent the rich away empty.

He has helped his servant Israel,

remembering to be merciful

to Abraham and his descendants forever,

just as he promised our ancestors.” - Luke 1:46-55

I Asked the Lord

2010-12-23T10:04:00.000-08:00

I know that it's almost Christmas, and I should be posting Christmas hymns. I know that I should be telling you the joyous things from this season and such. There have been many and the Lord has blessed me. Probably the greatest gift I've gotten is the Indelible Grace Hymn Sing CD. Every word sung on that song, and every explanation given by Kevin Twit has been healing to my soul. (I only received it yesterday) This morning, this song has affected me greatly. But, in every hymn there is found the hope of Christmas morning, isn't there?

I Asked the Lord

"1. I asked the Lord that I might grow

In faith and love and every grace

Might more of His salvation know

And seek more earnestly His face

2. Twas He who taught me thus to pray

And He I trust has answered prayer

But it has been in such a way

As almost drove me to despair

3. I hoped that in some favored hour

At once He'd answer my request

And by His love's constraining power

Subdue my sins and give me rest

4. Instead of this He made me feel

The hidden evils of my heart

And let the angry powers of Hell

Assault my soul in every part

5. Yea more with His own hand He seemed

Intent to aggravate my woe

Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,

Cast out my feelings, laid me low

6. Lord why is this, I trembling cried

Wilt Thou pursue thy worm to death?

"Tis in this way" The Lord replied

"I answer prayer for grace and faith"

7. "These inward trials I employ

From self and pride to set thee free

And break thy schemes of earthly joy

That thou mayest seek thy all in me,

That thou mayest seek thy all in me."

You can purchase the CD here.

Christmas party, snow, and SEC champs

2010-12-05T12:08:00.000-08:00

It has been an exciting last couple of days here in Winston. Fortunately, I felt well enough to decorate for and be at the Christmas party. Here are some photos (all from my camera phone so, not wonderful).

Then, on Saturday, I had gone to have some quiet time at my favorite coffee shop in town, Krankies. When I was notified by a couple of friends it had begun to snow! Sure enough, I hurried home to Hamilton, and we spent the rest of the day playing in the snow and hanging out with friends. Here are some pictures from campus. It was BEAUTIFUL.

Andd... finallly... Auburn is the new SEC champs!!! WAR EAGLE!!! I have loved checking facebook statuses and receiving texts all season proclaiming the sheer joy over Auburn's success. Gosh, it is so crazy to me how amazing they have been this year! It hardly seems real. Ohhhhh, if only I could go to Arizona. Maybe, there's a way? We will see. No matter, I can't wait to cheer the tigers on!!

At Toomer's Corner last weekend, after the Iron Bowl

Pure joy

And, one more thing... count down to New York City... 7 Days!!!

the close of the semester.

2010-12-01T10:43:00.000-08:00

I have drastically slowed down on my blogging. I never thought I would be busier as an intern than as a college student, yet I felt more stressed as a student then as I do an intern. And maybe its not that being an intern is busier but it consumes my mind more, it takes more of my overall energy, and I have less of a desire for this whole blogging world that I used to adore. Except that, this whole wedding buzz is all over the place with my students. They are constantly showing me or asking me for more wedding photography blogs/wedding videos/etc. So, that never escapes me. Maybe some day I really will be a wedding planner. Who knows. But, right now I am an RUF intern at Wake Forest. And I am so thankful that that is what God called me to do.

Today, I'm sick. And, I'm not very happy about it at all. I had a very spontaneous weekend. I went to see one of my closest friends in Nashville on Friday to watch the Iron Bowl with her... and WAR EAGLE. We won after one of the biggest comebacks in the history of college football... so I'm told. And, with adrenaline rushing, Rachel and I felt an incessant need to go to Auburn. And we drove at 5:30 to Auburn. We made a pitstop to see some friends in Birmingham and made it to Auburn around 10:30 to hang out with Rachel's boyfriend and some of her Opelika friends. We went to Toomer's Corner and because it was so cold and the trees were so white it truly felt like I was walking in snow. It was quite a site. The next day I got to catch up with one of my other dear friends, Hamilton, who has been in Europe all semester studying abroad. She has no major plans for the next month, so she asked if she could ride back to Winston-Salem with me for the week. So, we drove back to Nashville for the night, met up with a couple of more friends, and then drove back to Winston-Salem. Oh, and before we left Nashville on Monday, we stopped by my favorite coffee shop in Nashville, Frothy Monkey. Guess who showed up the same day.... Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal! You can read about it right here if you are really interested... Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal Share Coffee – Again. We have many Christmas festivities this week, which I've been preparing for along with the normal day to day intern stuff.

(Rachel and I watching the game in Nashville)

And then, after lunch yesterday as Hamilton and I shopped for Christmas decor for the RUF Christmas party, it hit me. I felt awful. So, I canceled everything for the rest of the day and lounged around and made Christmas decorations. But, much to my dismay, today I only felt worse. So, I went to the CVS med clinic (who knew they had one of those?) and got some medication. I am praying that it will kick in before these activities tonight, but I'm wishful thinking. Tonight is the "Lighting of the Quad" on campus, RUF Christmas Caroling, and a lights show and a farm near here called Tanglewood Farms. Tomorrow night is the annual RUF Christmas party. Plus, Hamilton is here with me and I really feel so bad that she has to sit with a sick person.

Anyway, these are my happenings these days. The semester is coming to a close. I am amazed at how much has occurred in the last 6 months of my life. Nothing about my life seems the same as it was before. Everyone is new. The setting is new. The job is new. God's been very faithful. I will be honest with you. The last month has been particularly hard. I have felt the loneliness that we warned so much about at training. I have felt those fears of, what is my life going to look like from now on? Where do I go from here? For a while I felt overwhelmed by some of those feelings. Praise God, He heard me once more and has been faithful to be working on those areas and providing encouragement in various ways. Kevin Teasley has been a wonderful mentor and boss and friend and pastor. God has provided some new, encouraging friends. And, I want to recommend a book for reading. It's the next book I am to read on my reading list... Spiritual Depression by Martin Lloyd Jones. I have only read the first three chapters, but it has already made a great impact on me. Here's a quote, "the ultimate cause of all spiritual depression is unbelief. For if it were not for unbelief even the devil could do nothing." Wow.

And, I read this a couple of days ago. I was sitting in Starbucks and an old man walked by, probably around the age of 80. I saw in his hand a bible and the devotional, Our Daily Bread. I was so intrigued and encouraged that he was still seeking after God. It prompted me to read that devotional for the day, because it is not one I typically choose. This is what it said:

On the passage, Exodus 4:1-5

"If you have a tendency to despair over lost opportunities or if you worry about the future, ask yourself this question: “What is right in front of me?” In other words, what circumstances and relationships are currently available to you? This question can get your focus off a past regret or a scary future and back to what God can do in your life.

It’s similar to the question God asked Moses at the burning bush. Moses was troubled. Aware of his own weaknesses, he expressed fear about the Lord’s call for him to lead Israel out of bondage. So God simply asked Moses, “What is that in your hand?” (Ex. 4:2). The Lord shifted Moses’ attention away from his anxiety about the future and suggested he notice what was right in front of him—a shepherd’s rod. God showed Moses that He could use this ordinary staff to perform miracles as a sign for unbelieving people. As Moses’ trust in God grew, so did the magnitude of miracles God worked through His servant.

Do you think about past failures too much? Do you have fearful thoughts about the future? Recall God’s question: “What is that in your hand?” What current circumstances and relationships can God use for your benefit and His glory? Entrust them—and your life—to Him.

Onward and upward your course plan today,
Seeking new heights as you walk Jesus’ way;
Heed not past failures, but strive for the prize,
Aiming for goals fit for His holy eyes. —Brandt

You can’t change the past,
but you’ll ruin the present by worrying about the future."

Thank you, as always, for the support you have given me thus far. I am so blessed by the relationships God has placed in my life. I look forward to what next semester brings!

Be Thou My Vision.

2010-11-18T08:31:00.000-08:00

"Be Thou my vision,

O Lord of my heart;

Naught be all else to me,

save that Thou art

Thou my best thought,

by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping,

Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my wisdom,

and Thou my true Word;

I ever with Thee and

Thou with me, Lord;

Thou my great Father,

and I Thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling,

and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not,

nor man's empty praise,

Thou mine inheritance,

now and always:

Thou and Thou only,

first in my heart,

High king of heaven,

my treasure Thou art.

High king of heaven,

my victory won,

May I reach heaven's joys,

O bright heaven's sun!

Heart of my own heart,

whatever befall,

Still be my vision,

O ruler of all."

Ancient Irish Hymn

refreshed.

2010-11-15T10:26:00.000-08:00

I had such an amazing weekend that came at such a wonderful time! I adore Auburn University... I really do. It's amazing how things become home to you and leave such lasting impressions on you and you never realize it in the process. You don't realize how strongly you will love something till you are away from it. Maybe I'm being overly dramatic and I apologize. Its just that I spent many a Saturday walking around the tailgating world and many a Saturday I would be overwhelmed by it all and would leave the game early (this was pre-Cam Newtown, let's just say) and I would walk into Taylor's every single day for a chai and I would see orange and blue around me all the time and never think anything of it. But, returning to Auburn, all of those things were incredibly comforting to me. The fact that everywhere I turned someone had on an Auburn cap and when I stood in a really cramped Mama G's after the football game, even though we were all exhausted, everybody was so friendly. And, when the game was in the 4th quarter we all linked arms and sang Lean On Me. And, maybe it was all overdramatized, but at least you were with 15000 other people who were being overly dramatic (that is a very rough estimate of the size of the student section). This weekend was great. Thanks sweet friends for welcoming me back, for making me feel missed. That's a good feeling, right. And, I know that I will always joyfully return to Auburn University. Thanks Dad, for purchasing a student ticket for me, and thanks Ashley for having one available only a couple hours before the game began. It was a wonderful experience. What does this have to do with the internship? Hmmm... not sure. I will say this though, as I walked around campus, I realized I love the university and I love college students and I wish that I could do university ministry for the rest of my life. That's kind of up to God and we will see where He leads.... but its true, I love it. And, I saw clearly the community He developed among my friends and I during my time at Auburn and I am thankful to Him for that. That in the midst of struggles and loneliness, He was creating something really good.

Now, I'm back at Wake, and I love it, too. I do. It's different, and it is slowly making me feel at home.

Here are some visuals.

Sweet, Soph. girl fellowship group (juniors now)

Auburn Alum.... weird

Interns in Auburn

Orange and blue sky... only in Aubs

Interns at Toomer's Corner

VICTORY!!! MOST fun game EVER.

He is my Help.

2010-11-07T12:01:00.000-08:00

"I pass through a vale of tears

but bless thee for the opening gate of glory

at its end.

Enable me to realize as mine the better,

heavenly country.

Prepare me for every part of my pilgrimage.

Uphold my steps by thy Word.

Let no iniquity dominate me.

Teach me that Christ cannot be the way

if I am the end.

that he cannot be Redeemer

if I am my own savior,

that there can be no true union with him

while the creature has my heart,

that faith accepts him as Redeemer and Lord

or not at all."

- Valley of Vision

"O Lord, how long shall I cry for help"

"Look among the nations, and see;

wonder and be astounded.

For I am doing a work in your days

that you would not believe if I told."

- Habakkuk 1:2,5

"Though the fig trees should not blossom,

nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fail

and the fields yield no food

the flock be cut off from the fold

and there be no herd in the stalls

yet i will rejoice in the Lord;

I will take joy in the God of my salvation

God, the Lord is my strength,

He makes my feet like the deer's

He makes me tread on the high places."

- Habakkuk 3:17-19

prayer requests or maybe just a big spill.

2010-11-03T07:55:00.000-07:00

"One student a year who hears God's call would be sufficient for God to have called the Bible Training College into existence. This college has no value as an organization, not even academically. Its sole value for existence is for God to help Himself to lives. Will we allow Him to help Himself to us, or are we more concerned with our own ideas of what we are going to be?" - Oswald Chambers

Please pray for me in these ways...

- I wrote that passage from My Utmost for His Highest because I constantly want to evaluate where I am at, how successful I am being, even wanting to defend my job to my students. When, God keeps having to remind me that this has nothing to do with me... that my being at Wake Forest is God's doing in the first place and my being here is for His glory and His purpose. Pray that I would believe that and rest in it.

- I'm starting to wear out a little bit of pursuing, pursuing, pursuing with little pursuit back... though that is the very nature of this job. Just pray that I would not grow weary and that I would see the purpose in my pursuit.

- Pray for the Kappa/Chi O bible study. Pray that it would grow and would be used in others lives.

- Please pray for these students. Its getting close to exam time. Many of my dear friends who are seniors are getting close to their final semester. Pray that during this time they would not lose focus on Christ, that He is working in their lives. Pray that they would rest in Him and not forsake Him. School and career become such an idol, it becomes the end all. They are harder to communicate with and it becomes harder for them to trust God at His Word. But, I can relate. I was just there. I was putting my security in my resume. Yet, He tells us that man does not live by bread alone but by the Word. Meaning, we live according to His Word, not what we produce. We don't get that, do we? I don't. I'm in ministry, trying to proclaim the Gospel, and yet so often I don't believe it. I trust in my production. I make it all about me. I guess I'm asking, too, that as students might start to pull away due to school and such, I would not be discouraged by that or measure God's work based upon that.

Last night Kevin spoke on Mark 4:35-41, the story of Jesus calming the storm. This was my favorite story as a child. We had a large kid's Bible story book, and I made my dad read it to me over and over. I remember the pictures vividly, the colors. It was a very colorful book, of course, it was a child's book. And the pictures of Jesus and the disciples were very bold. I remember the dark blue sea and the looks on the disciples' faces as they looked in awe. Well, Kevin nailed it home last night.

He talked about how Jesus was able to sleep, able to rest, because He knew all along the storm was coming, He knew all along that He would be able to calm it. As Jesus rebukes the disciples, He's saying why wouldn't you trust me? We see the power that resides in Christ as He hushes the storm. He's on our side. He may bring a storm into our lives for the purpose of helping us, teaching us. Again, Kevin talked about how it is not the strength of our faith that saves us, but the object of our faith, Jesus. So, we ought always to look to Him.

Finally, Kevin gave an illustration. He talked about his love for his children and how much he has to sacrifice for them. He talked about how his son wanted him to buy for him a small toy the other day in Walgreens. Kevin said no. He knew his son had plenty and could not buy for him this toy that really would not satisfy him the way his son thought it would, and his son really didn't need the toy. The boy immediately pitches a fit and implies that his father does not love him. Ok... you know where I'm getting at. We do that. God sees further than us, right. He knows whats best for us. He withholds for our good. Yet, I want to accuse Him of not loving me as much as the next person because it looks like someone else has what I want. Yet, He knows precisely what I need. Not only that, He gave EVERYTHING. He loves us a lot!!! A lot. He gave His life. He gives it to us today, just like a father gives his life to his son. Yet, Jesus's love goes so much further than even that.

Anyway, I was in tears. I needed to hear it. I've been on a high for most of the time since I've been here. But, lately its started to go away, and I've been realizing that I'm not at home. I've been feeling lonely and wanting to throw a pity party. Yet, everything I just wrote has been a reminder to me, that one, God's for me, that all of this is for His Kingdom and not my own, and that I can't measure what He is doing by my circumstances.

Wowowow.... this has gotten long. I apologize! I just felt a need to update and to write. Here are just a couple of pictures, cause we always need a visual right? I only get pictures off facebook, so you may have already seen them. Sorry.

Hiking on Pilot Mt. with roommate and friend.

At Chi O Halloween date party... with my "date". We were Woody and Jesse from Toy Story.

Kathleen and I.

mini update.

2010-10-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

Intern reunion this weekend... training next week... seeing family... yay!! Sorry I am slacking on the blog posts. Things are continuing to go well... life has evened out a bit... a little more consistent day to day.

Prayers needed:

- Kappa/Chi O Bible study... pray that we would learn how to live our lives more according to God's will, that we would recognize God's purpose in Creation, and be changed more and more to look like Him as we study Genesis.

- Pray as we decide on and plan our mission trip for Spring Break next semester.

- Pray that I would have wisdom as conversations get harder. Pray that I would be diligent in studying His Word and the study program so that as I talk to others I am not forgetting to sit and listen to what God has to teach me.

Chattanooga/Scottsboro/Atlanta... here I come!!

And in prep for this weekend...

WAR EAGLE!!

Parent's Brunch

2010-10-06T17:11:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we had Parent's Brunch at Forsyth Country Club. It went so well. We had a very large turnout. Mr. Anderson, the dad to two of our students, and Riley Skinner, Wake Forest's quarterback for the past four years, spoke at the event. I really enjoyed getting to meet so many students' parents and see where these students come from. Here are a few pictures.

Teasley's with Mr. Anderson

The Morgans let me join their fam.

Riley Skinner

Kennedy and Molly Jane Teasley... love you two.

Thanks for helping girls... I like all of you, a lot.

I have a friend from Auburn visiting this weekend... which is super exciting! And thanks to Tease, I get to go see the Avett Brothers! So, that's double exciting. And, it is Homecoming for Wake this weekend. We will be having a tailgate and three of our RUFers are on the court. (They have girls and boys on the court. New to me.) So, fun weekend.

Things are going well. Conversations are starting to get harder. These kids are smart. They have questions. They want to know the truth and are searching for it. Pray that I would have wisdom and discernment and would be able to have confidence in the Lord.

Thanks for your support and prayers.

"the golden evening brightens in the west"

2010-09-26T20:47:00.000-07:00

This weekend we went to Camp Rockmont for fall conference. I wish I could start by saying something other than it was a wonderful weekend, but I believe that's about all I can say. I am beyond blessed to be here. I sat on top of one of the picnic tables on the main deck where we all gathered for meals and to hang out, and I talked with one of my friends who is a senior. I looked around at probably 2/3 of the 60 people who came with us as the played the game, Signs. I remarked that I am amazed I have only known these people for a little over a month. It seems like so much longer. It feels so comfortable, like home. It fits.

Ben Milner, the speaker for the weekend, did a 4 part sermon on Creation, the Fall, Redemption, and Consummation. We have looked a lot at Genesis in freshman Bible study and I am leading a study on Genesis. None of this was prearranged or planned. God just seems to really want to point me and others to Genesis. All of these studies have really helped me put into perspective our purpose here on earth. It has helped me think more eternally, and encourages me as I continue in this ministry here at Wake. I hear more and more stories and am blown away that the Lord has led me to be a part of it. He is such a personal, purposeful God.

Anyway... here are some pictures from the weekend. I'm wiped out. Need. to. go. to. bed. veryyy soon.

Buutt... one more thing: War Eagle.

Giant, awesome slide.

Speaker, Ben Milner, pastor of Redeemer 5 PM service.

Our sweet little staff. Stewart, Kevin, and I.

"The golden evening
brightens in the west;
Soon, soon to faithful
warriors comes their rest;
Sweet is the calm
of paradise the blessed.
Alleluia, Allelu...

But lo! There breaks
a yet more glorious day;
The saints triumphant
rise in bright array;
The King of glory
passes on his way,
Alleluia, Allelu."

- For All the Saints

Redemption for His glory.

2010-09-21T11:27:00.000-07:00

It's so different here and I love it.

Today I had lunch with a freshman girl who was born in England and raised part time there and part time in the Bahamas. Another freshman I've been hanging out with a lot is from Arizona but went to boarding school in New Hampshire. She is national champion horseback rider. I met Gerald Ford's son. He works here. One of my friends told me her parents were sitting front row at fashion week in New York last week. Most everybody here plays golf, lacrosse, tennis, and croquet. And most of them have mountain homes and beach homes.

It's different, that's for sure. But, we are all the same, aren't we? No matter where we come from, whether we have gobs of money or very little. Whether we have multiple homes or only one humble little house. Whether we are hungry or abundantly full, we are created in God's image. We are all hungry for Him, aren't we?

There was a Pakistanian who spoke at church on Sunday. He is a missionary to Muslims in the middle east, risking his life often. We are so hungry for truth and for Jesus. In America where there is plenty, sometimes its hard to recognize that hunger. Or we recognize it, but we have plenty of "things" to try to fill the hunger. Anyway, that Pakistan missionary kind of touched on that when we spoke with him briefly at the picnic afterwards. He quoted Matthew 6:24, "You can not serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."

Yet, I feel myself getting caught up in that. Some of my small, earthly dreams are coming true already. I mean, I met my favorite band, Needtobreathe, and spent a little bit of time talking with them last week thanks to these students. I'm probably going to get to spend a couple of days in New York City during the Christmas break with one of my student friends who is from Greenwich, CT. We will stay at her home. Which, anyone that knows me well, going to NYC during the Christmas season has been a dream of mine since, quite possibly, the day I was born. Or maybe the first time I saw Miracle on 34th Street or Home Alone 2. Those idealistic images have never left my mind.

So, I'm thankful that the Lord is allowing me to take part in those blessings. But, I don't want to be sidetracked by awesome weekend trips and concerts that I forget the mission I came here to proclaim.

Because here's the deal. Along with the cool stories about jet setting and beautiful homes and fun concerts, I'm hearing painful stories. Stories of eating disorders and broken, broken homes. I hear stories of heart wrenching break ups and fights among friends. It never stops. Nothing can heal the brokenness apart from Christ.

We've been looking at Genesis in Freshman bible study, and I am actually going to be leading a bible study in Kappa and Chi O on Genesis. We are looking at how we are created in God's image. That each one of us is a king or queen... as cheesy as that may sound, it's a beautiful thought and more importantly a true thought. We are heirs to the kingdom thanks to God's sacrifice. But, humankind chose to be their own god and we choose that every day. That is what has broken us. Thankfully the Lord has chosen to redeem it. He is the only hope I have to offer those who are hurting, who can't figure out what they want to do with the rest of their lives, who feel rejected, who feel ugly, and stressed. That God has made something greater for us. Something greater than New York at Christmas time and cute boys in bands. He is greater than even the beautiful, beautiful mountains that surround me. He created those things. And they all speak of His glory.

So I choose to worship Him and point others to Him.

"And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." - 1 Corinthians 2:1-2

"The heavens proclaim his righteousness,

and all the peoples see his glory.

All who worship images are put to shame,

those who boast in idols—

worship him, all you gods!

Zion hears and rejoices

and the villages of Judah are glad

because of your judgments, O LORD.

For you, O LORD, are the Most High over all the earth;

you are exalted far above all gods.

Let those who love the LORD hate evil,

for he guards the lives of his faithful ones

and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.

Light is shed upon the righteous

and joy on the upright in heart.

Rejoice in the LORD, you who are righteous,

and praise his holy name." - Psalm 97:6-12

lay me down

2010-09-21T07:07:00.001-07:00

"And I can hear the band of angels singing now

like a story from the page is read aloud

but this is not make believe

I’d rather have the mystery and the madness and the rains

cause hell’s the only place you can be free of all love’s pain

I have no claim on the future

so here I lay me down

and God is a friend to lovers

he makes the bone, the flesh, the ground

and he walks with us, make no mistake

and holds us when our hearts, they break"

- Sandra McCracken

2010-09-15T14:45:00.000-07:00

Hey friends. A newsletter will be going out ASAP! Let me know if you would like to receive one if you do not think you are on my mailing list. Just leave your address! Thanks!

Picture Update.

2010-09-07T20:25:00.000-07:00

Freshmen girls at Bowlin for Soulin.

Bowlin for Soulin... my team... they were much better than me.

But I was better than this girl... and won a Pit swipe.

Emmy's party... in my little apt.

First Wake game... it was sweet. With Kathleen.

Freshmen at tailgate.

Hiking at Pilot Mt.

Quotable.

2010-09-06T11:04:00.000-07:00

Superb quotes for today... feedin' my soul, for sure... the first I stole from my sister.

"There's never a moment in all our lives, from the day we trusted Christ till the day we see Him, when God is not longing to bless us. At every moment, in every circumstance, God is doing us good. He never stops. It gives Him too much pleasure. He is blessing us right now, in and through those troubles. At this exact moment, He is giving us what He knows is good." - Larry Crabb

“Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing; there was light and high beauty forever beyond its reach.” - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
“This darkness is very deep, but our God has gone deeper still. When you have been to Calvary, even Ravensbrook [Concentration Camp] looks small.” - Corrie Ten Boom

"you must be Mine."

2010-09-04T07:26:00.000-07:00

These words were precisely what I needed to hear today. I remember teaching about this passage when I co-led a fellowship group where we studied the book of Luke. I was particularly struck by this passage and today I'm struck again. That Oswald Chambers always knows how to word the truth along with the Truth to teach me exactly the thing I need to hear. Here goes...

“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple” ( Luke 14:26 ). He was not saying that this person cannot be good and upright, but that he cannot be someone over whom Jesus can write the word Mine. Any one of the relationships our Lord mentions in this verse can compete with our relationship with Him. I may prefer to belong to my mother, or to my wife, or to myself, but if that is the case, then, Jesus said, “[You] cannot be My disciple.” This does not mean that I will not be saved, but it does mean that I cannot be entirely His... The missionary’s secret is truly being able to say, “I am His, and He is accomplishing His work and His purposes through me.”

Be entirely His!"

I constantly want to feel safe, belonging to another. I want security in myself or others. Being on my own, out here where no one I know lives, doing a job I've never done before, it brings about insecurity. Not a comfortable feeling. I want to cling to that which is not the Lord, but He is saying in order to be my disciple you must be fully Mine. So, thank you Lord for making me uncomfortable. Thank you that I can't rely on anything or anyone apart from You. I need that even if it's uncomfortable for a little while.

Life as a Wake Forest RUF intern.

2010-08-31T10:04:00.000-07:00

In order to keep things interesting and organized, I want to give you an update in list form.

First of all, simply some things we have been up to here at Wake Forest RUF:

Last Thursday, we had our first "Bowlin for Soulin". That is an activity the previous intern, James, started, and Stewart has decided to keep it going. I am so glad... we had somewhere between 30-40 students come out and bowl... from freshmen to seniors.
We took a large group of freshmen, about 15, to Hope Pres. Church on Sunday morning. Kevin preached from 2 Samuel 23. (I will talk a bit more about that in a second.) Hope is a church plant from a larger church in Winston, called Redeemer Pres. I think they were very excited to see such a large group of students there! I was so excited that they came!
We had our 2nd leadership meeting on Sunday night. It's neat to get to know the upperclassmen and talk about our vision and goals for RUF at Wake Forest. Its such an interesting thing, though to step into this established group that is pretty different from the core group I am used to at Auburn. However, I love to see a different culture of students.
Last night, I had about 16 freshmen girls over to watch the Emmy's. My little basement apartment was quite packed. Gosh, I love these freshmen girls!! And we have not even had our first large group, yet. Praise God.

What's going on more personally in my life or how I am responding to all of the activities and change:

People ask how things are going. I think the best way to describe it would be a roller coaster ride. There are moments I am beyond thrilled to be here and amazed that the Lord is allowing me to do this. Then, there are moments in which I feel very homesick and think, how did I get here? This is so random. But, in the midst of "emotions and feelings", I rest in the promise that the Lord has sovereignly ordained and provided for me to be right here right now and that keeps me at a very steady, joyful, peaceful place.
I am so thankful for the Teasley's. I feel like I have a family I can get to know and feel comfortable with when I am feeling homesick for family. My family is always very available for me if I need them. Plus, Auburn felt like home... no matter how hard it got, it was comfortable and familiar. So, the Teasley's are such a wonderful family to make me feel at home. Plus, I get to play Barbie games online with Molly Jane (their 5 year old) and it feels like I am right back at home with Ellie.
I am so thankful for my roommate and a couple of other post-grad friends that I have made. I've always heard it is kind of tough adjusting to life after college, and its true. You are surrounded by like 20 of your best friends all the time in college that you can hang out with at the drop of a hat. I didn't understand the luxury of that. To realize that even having 3 or 4 friends my age is a blessing right now is quite an adjustment.

Pray for:

First large group, tonight!! It's amazing that we have not had our first large group yet, when I feel like a community has already begun to form among the freshmen. Pray that people would be very open to the teaching and music of RUF. Pray that students would feel welcome and loved. Pray that the gospel would be taught and hearts would be receptive to it.
Pray for congruency among leaders in RUF. That our hearts would long for the same things... for the gospel to be proclaimed and students to be loved and equipped to serve Christ... and our hearts and minds would stay humble.
Pray for students who are on the verge of believing the truth of the Gospel, pray that Kevin, Stewart, and I could be empty vessels to be used by the Holy Spirit to speak truth to them.
Continue to pray for energy for my somewhat introverted self. At the end of the day I am so blank... because my job is to talk to people. Talk to people all day long. So, I get a little socialized out. But the Lord has been very gracious in giving me joy in that.

What I am learning:

So, like I said Kevin preached on 2 Samuel 23. David said, "Oh, that someone would get me a drink of water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem!" Then, when three mighty men risk their lives to bring water to David, David pours the water out as a sacrifice to God. David knew God had promised victory, yet he was parched, he doubted the Lord and feared the circumstances around him. When the three mighty men heard his cry and responded, it was a reminder that the Lord was there and providing for him. Therefore, he poured the water back out saying Lord, all I need is you and your refreshing. It was a good reminder to me that even when I grow weary or doubt that the Lord is working and I become fearful of my circumstances, it's a reminder that God hears my cries. That He is ever providing.

As always, thank you for your support. I am so encouraged by those of you who have given financially and who are praying for me. Ya'll are in my prayers.

I will have pictures from bowling, Emmy's party, and first large group very soon!!

Picnic Pictures

2010-08-26T10:21:00.000-07:00

Yes, two posts back to back. Kevin sent me these pictures this morning and I really wanted to post them to let ya'll get a visual for what's going on here. These are from the back-to-school picnic last night... we had a great time, large group, and good food.

A few awesome Freshman girls.

A few great upperclassmen.

Kevin Teasley with a couple of students.

Found myself a freshman friend from Selma, AL! She's quite wonderful.

Have a great day, ya'll!!

Guide me oh thou great jehovah.

2010-08-25T21:45:00.000-07:00

Hey friends. My journey continues here at Wake Forest. I don't think I have met so many people at once in the matter of two weeks. Thank goodness for Facebook... the only way I might potentially be able to conquer some of the name memorization. Wake continues to be wonderful and continues to be quite different from Auburn.

Just a few good things about being an RUF intern at Wake Forest...

1. The community. The people here are very welcoming. They are warm and they love their school. I'm glad to be at a place that others love so much... there must be something special about it... I am certainly learning that there is. This campus is much smaller than what I am used to, and I actually love it.

2. The Pit. Good food and lots of options on a beautiful campus. This is the "cafeteria", but that makes it sound like a noisy, stark room with less than mediocre food. This is not the case at all. Today I had quinoa and hummus (I enjoy that kind of stuff) and good frozen yogurt for dessert. And, it's a jackpot for being in college ministry... this is a high traffic spot for students so you can visit with lots at once.

3. My boss. He's great... his name is Kevin Teasley... he loves Jesus a lot and is a lot of fun. Yep, couldn't ask for a better man to work for.

4. The campus is quite lovely. I can't wait for Fall! It is going to be sublime. And, next to the campus are these lovely trails to go running or walking with students... another wonderful ministry tool.

5. I get to minister to girls. I get to minister to girls!! That is my number one priority and that, my friends, is super exciting. I get to hear their stories, find out where they come from, learn what the Lord is doing in their lives, and love them in the midst of their struggles. (Well, this is true at every campus)

These girls are coming to me telling me or asking for help in situations that are SO familiar to me... situations that were so stressful for me... losing phones, not getting classes I needed, boy stuff... and I get to hear it and talk them through it or give them relief standing on the outside of the situation. I say absolutely none of that to glorify myself at all but simply to praise God that He has given me this opportunity.

Now, all of this wonderfulness does not come without struggles. I like honesty and transparency. It takes a lot of energy to meet so many people and to internalize their stories. Pray for energy.

And, I can't help but think of my friends in Auburn and hear how amazing things are going with RUF on that campus this year (praise God) and feel a tinge of sadness not being there with them.

Andd... I am about to sound just like the Israelites as they look back upon Egypt... but it was a funny thing today when I went into this hole in the wall fried chicken restaurant to pick up food for our welcome back picnic with Kevin. It was so country and smelled of home cooked food and it all seemed very familiar... it was as country as country gets and it reminded me of home. Their accents reminded me of home and the food reminded me of places my dad would take us to. And I guess it didn't necessarily make me sad, but nostalgic.

Though this is the place I have longed to be, doing the thing I have longed to do, it's not home and it's not familiar yet. It just takes time.

Continue to pray for reliance upon the Lord in this time. That I wouldn't doubt the Lord's enablement and that I wouldn't rely on my own strength.

We have our first large group on Tuesday. Pray that things will go well... that students will be receptive to the Gospel. There are going to be a lot of students there the first couple of weeks... students from New Jersey, Connecticut, Texas, California, North Carolina, Alabama, New York, Ohio... all over. A lot of these students don't have a relationship with the Lord. Pray their eyes and ears, minds and hearts, would be open to the Gospel. Pray that I would give all of myself to love them with the love of Christ so they would know more of Him.

Thanks for your support, as always.

Although there is sadness in these lyrics, I wouldn't identify myself with sadness right now... but I can certainly identify with these words...

"The past is so tangible
I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy to discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
Caught between the promise
And the things I know"

- Sara Groves

I will rest in these words from David speaking of the faithfulness of God.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills—
       where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD,
       the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—
       he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
       will neither slumber nor sleep."
- Psalm 121:1-4

"HE must win the battle."

2010-08-19T14:57:00.000-07:00

"Did we in our own strength confide,
Our striving would be losing;
Were not the right Man on our side,
The Man of God's own choosing;
Dost ask who that may be:
Christ Jesus it is He;
Lord Sabbaoth His name,
From age to age the same,
And He must win the battle."

We sang "A Mighty Fortress is our God" at church on Sunday. I was thankful for the reminder that all ministry here at Wake is based on the strength of God and nothing of my own merit or choosing. He is fighting this battle... I am merely a vessel.

Today I have been in Winston-Salem for one week! I feel like it has been longer.

I feel like a freshman again, but I'm not going to lie... it's kind of fun. We have been at Preschool all week. It is an orientation for Wake Forest freshmen... but essentially it revolves around religious organizations and ministries. It was a wonderful opportunity to find out a lot more about Wake Forest, get to know a few older students which helped me learn more about the culture of Wake Forest, meet lots of freshmen, and meet other campus ministers and staff around campus. It's a strange thing to begin to fall in love with a whole new school and a brand new group of students. This week has been a little overwhelming... a lot of changes in a short amount of time, meeting a ton of new people, and living in a new place. However, I am so glad to be here, at this point.

This morning preschool ended. The head chaplain gave a closing message, we sang a few songs, and as the students left, the leaders gave a prayer blessing to each student. Also, a few students were chosen to stand and a read a passage from Psalm 139. I have not cried all week, which is quite remarkable since I am prone to weep at any tender moment. However, I think I have been on cruise control since I left Scottsboro. This morning it seemed to catch up with me and I worked to keep the emotional dam from breaking. Back to Ps. 139. This particular psalm was the first piece of scripture that melted my heart that revealed the love of God to me in an irresistible way. To this day it's one of my favorites. So, after a long week and meeting sweet faces that I look forward to getting to know... they stood up to speak these words that the Lord spoke so tenderly to me for the first time over ten years ago.

"O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
   you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
   and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
   behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
   and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
   it is high; I cannot attain it.

My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,
   intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,
   the days that were formed for me,
   when as yet there was none of them."

- Psalm 139:1-6, 15-16

The Lord is deeply in love with you and I and this scripture shows us that. I am so humbled and excited to take part in His ministry here at Wake. I am thrilled that He has chosen me for this. Please pray that in all that RUF takes part in here at Wake, He would be glorified. Pray that He would reveal any idols in my heart or within our staff so that we would be free to serve Him. Pray that students would be receptive to the Gospel... whether they are believers or not. Pray that I would continue to adjust smoothly to this new place, a new university, and new people. Pray that my mind and my heart would never cease to look to Him and to praise Him.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your support thus far.

P.S. There just might be a guest post from Kevin Teasely himself, real soon. And pictures coming soon.

Oh My Sweet Carolina.

2010-08-14T20:24:00.000-07:00

"Oh my sweet Carolina

What compels me to go?

Oh my sweet disposition

May you one day carry me home"

- Ryan Adams

Today completes day 2 1/2 in Winston-Salem.

Life here is really great so far. I am beyond blessed by God's provision.

My roommate and a couple of Wake alums who are living and working in Winston have been so welcoming, thus far. I am so thankful for their friendship.

It was so great to be with the whole "team"... the Teasley's, my co-intern, and myself. I couldn't be working with a better group.

Today I spent most of the day at the lake with one of those Wake alums... we jet skied, knee boarded, tubed, and floated. What a glorious, beautiful day. Now, I am exhausted.

I am learning more and more about Wake students... the community here and the culture of the campus. I am more and more excited to begin meeting students.

Tomorrow we will have our first "staff meeting". So... I am glad to make things official.

And then... work begins Monday. Duhduhduhhh... Preschool begins. Apparently it is a pretty intense week of orientation for incoming Freshmen simply for campus ministries and religious organizations on campus. It's a great time to meet freshmen and tell them about RUF. Pray that that goes smoothly and is fruitful.

I am exhausted at the moment... and not thinking super clearly, so I will write a more thoughtful post later on... but I just wanted to give a bit of a debriefing of life so far in Winston-Salem.

Have a glorious Sabbath tomorrow, y'all!

In every turning, He will prepare you with grace upon grace...

2010-08-11T10:49:00.000-07:00

"But Caleb quieted the people before Moses and said, 'Let us go up at once and occupy it, for we are well able to overcome it.' Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not fear the people of the land for they are bread to us. Their protection is removed from them and the Lord is with us; do not fear them." - Numbers 14

Why this verse? The stories of the Israelites traveling through the wilderness, crossing the Jordan, tearing down the walls of Jericho, and in this case spying out the land of Canaan... these are the stories that teach me more about my sin and more about trusting God than most everything else in the Bible. I learn a lot through stories. I needed this one to learn to trust God with raising support... the Israelites saw the mighty men and the large, fortified cities, and were afraid. They thought it would be impossible to defeat them. I was tempted to look upon $31,000 in a span of maybe three months and think it impossible. I was afraid of my inability, of the short time period, of so many circumstances... but I asked God to help me believe the way in which Caleb did when he said 'Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not fear the people of the land... the Lord is with us.'

I was actually very disobedient last night. I had a bit of a melt down because I was hoping to receive the green light phone call yesterday or today, and I became very fearful and doubtful. Not trusting God who had brought in $26,000 to bring in $1,000 more.

I also thought of the story Steven preached on on Sunday. He spoke of Samson and Delilah. Steven talked about how Samson was not understanding that all the source of his strength was in Christ alone. Samson thought his strength was in his hair. He did not understand his position beneath Christ.

Well, ya'll last night as I sat fearfully weeping, I had put my rest and strength in money. The Lord revealed the idol of my heart... realizing, Kate, you don't get it. All power, all strength is from me, alone... not from the money that may or may not be in your account. Thank you, Lord, for revealing the idols of my heart.

Today, still weary, yet feebly asking the Lord to help me trust Him... I called Emily Shriver at the office just to check on things, and after looking over my account, she said I had the green light!

I have raised 87% of my support and will leave for Winston-Salem in the morning!

"Man is never so near grace then when he feels he can do nothing at all." - Charles Spurgeon

What a crazy summer this has been. I can testify to that wonderful statement by Spurgeon. I have certainly experienced the grace of God this summer. This support raising has had nothing to do with any strength of my own. Nor will being an intern at Wake Forest.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you have supported and encouraged and prayed for me during the support raising! I pray that the Lord would abundantly bless you in your giving.

I get to be an RUF intern at Wake Forest, ya'll!!!! I am SO excited!! There is quite possibly nothing else I would rather be doing right now then continuing in ministry with RUF, especially at this school. Praise God!

PRAYER

- that I would continue to trust God's strength, not my own, not my own, not my own

- Wisdom in getting to know, spending time with, and listening to the cares of these girls

- easy transition with my "team" and in Winston-Salem

I am still raising support... I have 13%, $4,040 left to raise before the end of the year. You can continue to give if you feel so led. Donate HERE.

"Be still my soul,

Your God will undertake to guide the future as He has the past

Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last."

"The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." - Frederick Buechner

North Carolina, here I come.

Pilgrim Days.

2010-08-09T17:15:00.000-07:00

"Lord of the cloud and fire,

I am a stranger, with a stranger's indifference;

My hands hold a pilgrim's staff,

My march is Zionward,

My eyes are toward the coming of the Lord,

My heart is in thy hands without reserve.

Thou hast created it,

redeemed it,

renewed it,

captured it,

conquered it.

Keep from it every opposing foe,

crush in it every rebel lust,

mortify every treacherous passion,

annihilate every earthborn desire.

All faculties of my being vibrate to thy touch;

I love thee with soul, mind, body, strength,

might, spirit, affection, will,

desire, intellect, understanding.

Thou art the very perfection of all perfections;

All intellect is derived from thee;

My scanty rivulets flow from thy unfathomable

fountain.

Compared with thee the sun is darkness,

all beauty deformity,

all wisdom folly,

the best goodness faulty.

Thou art worthy of an adoration greater than

my dull heart can yield;

Invigorate my love that it may rise worthily

to thee,

tightly entwine itself round thee,

be allured by thee.

Then shall my walk be endless praise."

- Valley of Vision
"Wait on the Lord for whatever He appoints, wait quietly, wait trustingly. He holds every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year in His hands. Thank Him in advance for what the future holds, for He is already there. "Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup" (Psalm 16:5, NIV). Shall we not gladly say, "I'll take it, Lord! YES! I'll trust you for everything. Bless the Lord, O my soul!" - Elisabeth Elliot

Gettin' closer...

2010-08-08T19:22:00.000-07:00

Today I was very encouraged by church at home. Thank you for your supportive words and your financial help!

"Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit - just as you were called to one hope when you were called - one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all." - Ephesians 4:3-6

As far as I know, I have around $2000 left to raise. The Lord continues to be faithful in His timing. I hope to leave on Wednesday or Thursday, and I trust the Lord will provide.

DONATE here.

A prayer.

2010-08-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

From The Valley of Vision - a book of prayers from the Puritan Movement.

"Glorious Jehovah, my Covenant God,

All thy promises in Christ Jesus are

yea and amen, and all shall be fulfilled.

Thou hast spoken them, and they shall be done,

commanded, and they shall come to pass.

Yet I have often doubted thee,

have lived at times as if there were no God.

Lord, forgive me that death in life,

when I have found something apart from thee,

when I have been content with ephemeral things.

But through thy grace I have repented;

Thou hast given me to read my pardon

in the wounds of Jesus,

and my soul doth trust in him, my God incarnate,

Teach me to be resigned to thy will,

to delight in thy law,

to have no will but thine,

to believe that everything thou doest is

for my good.

Help me to leave my concerns in thy hands,

for thou hast power over evil,

and bringest from it an infinite progression

of good,

until thy purposes are fulfilled.

Bless me with Abraham's faith

that staggers not at promises through unbelief.

May I not instruct thee in my troubles,

but glorify thee in my trials;

Grant me a distinct advance in the divine life;

May I reach a higher platform,

leave the mists of doubt and fear in the valley,

and climb to hill-tops of eternal security in Christ

by simply believing he cannot lie,

or turn from his purpose.

Give me the confidence I ought to have in him

who is worthy to be praised

and who is blessed forevermore."

"There is nothing in us or done by us, at any stage of our earthly development, because of which we are acceptable to God. We must always be accepted for Christ’s sake, or we cannot ever be accepted at all. This is not true of us only when we believe. It is just as true after we have believed. It will continue to be trust as long as we live. Our need of Christ does not cease with our believing; nor does the nature of our relation to Him or to God through Him ever alter, no matter what our attainments in Christian graces or our achievements in behavior may be. It is always on His “blood and righteousness” alone that we can rest." - B.B. Warfield

Update Tres.

2010-08-05T08:06:00.001-07:00

Ok, ya'll... $3,000 left to go before I get the call that I am released to campus.

Meannning... I have raised 75% of my support! Praise God!

This is such a strange time... I am very hesitant to make any plans, any arrangements. I am just sitting, waiting, wishing, praying, reading, computering.

Praise God, my co-intern, Stewart, has been "released" to venture into the wild bluegrass hills of North Carolina... he will be leaving Wednesday. I would love, by God's grace, to do the same.

Let me address a small issue. A few people have prefaced to me, "Kate, I want to give to you and let you know I support you, but it's so little, I'm almost embarrassed to even give to you." Guys, let me just say, to even see your name on my list of supporters... well, gosh, that is so encouraging to me. To know that you have intentionally cared to take the time to donate and to say that you support this mission, it means as much to me as a $5000 donation. Yes, I need both to get to Wake, but both are so special and supportive to me. Your love and support and kindness is such a strong foundation as I begin this ministry on Wake Forest's campus.

Sooo... please pray that this would come quickly, so I can begin my journey as an RUF intern.

"The tamarind trees around the bungalow were olive trees, and under them a man knelt alone. She knew it was the Lord, praying in the garden for he children. So the burden was His, not hers. She need not ask Him to share it with her. He was asking her to share it with Him, to search with Him for the lost lambs. 'Who could have done anything but go into the garden and kneel down beside Him under the tree.'" - Elisabeth Elliot

"I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." - Psalm 121:1-2

And, again, if you would like to support me, click HERE.

Far too deep for human reason... (SUPPORT UPDATE)

2010-08-02T11:35:00.000-07:00

"High beyond imagination

Is the love of God to man.

Far too deep for human reason

Fathom that it never can

Love eternal

Richly dwells in Christ the lamb."

This is one of those posts that seems very daunting to me. I know what I want to convey to you, the reader, however, I am not really sure how to.

My life looks drastically different than it did three months ago. As much as I learned at and loved about Auburn, I am very ready for change, for new experiences... and well, that is certainly what is happening as we speak.

First of all, I want to express a bit of urgency. As usual, I am quite overwhelmed by God's faithfulness. Currently, my supporters have pledged around $22,500... meaning I have about $4,500 left to raise in order to move to campus. The ball will start rolling very quickly at Wake starting Aug. 16, therefore, if I could move to campus by Aug. 12, well that would be pretty wonderful. So, I am imploring you to consider supporting my ministry financially, if you have not done so already. I can guarantee you this is a ministry centered on the Gospel of Jesus Christ, it is a ministry wholly dependent on the provision and the sovereignty of Christ, a ministry that serves the college campus for the sake of the Kingdom of God.

Please give by clicking HERE.

I returned home from training in Atlanta on Friday afternoon, then headed to Chattanooga with my new friend, Katie, to check out her new home where she will be serving at UTC, then headed home only to drive back to Birmingham to pick something up that I had left in the massive transition of the last week or so. I decided to take a break in Birmingham and check out Red Mountain Church, which I've always wanted to do, anyway. It was a blessing. These words give me so much peace about the Lord's faithfulness to His Church...

"Jesus loved, and loves for ever;

Zion on His heart does dwell;

He will never, never, never

Leave His church a prey to hell.

All is settled

And my soul approves it well."

It is finished. Jesus Christ has accomplished salvation. But, it doesn't end there for us... I want others to know of that hope. I am not God, I do not know the way in which He is working and the way in which He is making His hope of salvation known. Therefore, I am called to obey Him... and for right now that is through the ministry of RUF at Wake Forest's campus. Because, He does not "leave his church prey to hell." Praise Him for that.

He has not left me alone. He has pursued my broken, fragile heart and has not left it to rest. Though there have been times where I wanted Him to.

The second night of training, the campus minister from MTSU spoke to us from Psalm 23. It says, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble... there is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved... Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." - v. 1, 4-5, 10 The Lord is in control of His City. He is preparing His people and He is using RUF to do that, by sending interns and ministers out to college students to love them with love that comes simply from Christ. So many of the interns and ministers are much newer believers than myself, coming from broken homes, and what look like very messy backgrounds. I use the word "look" meaning they might look messier than someone such as myself who has grown up in the church in a "Christian" home, but God has saved me out of just as much junk and my background is just as messy. However, it is neat to see how He has worked in so many different situations, different backgrounds, different sin patterns, different tragedies, and different triumphs. It's proof that yes, He is God. We must be still and recognize that. We must be still and know that He is doing the reconciling, not us.

And, today, I must be still and recognize He will bring in the last $4,500 just like He brought in the first $22,000. Even with that knowledge, I am nervous, I am prone to not believe Him. Pray that I would.

"Love like Jesus' none can measure,

Nor can its dimensions know;

'Tis a boundless, endless river,

And its waters freely flow,

O ye thirsty,

Come and taste its streams below."

- High Beyond Imagination, Gadsby

"By Whom the doubting are made sure..." (support update)

2010-07-22T18:12:00.000-07:00

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself." - Matthew 6: 34

"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." - Philippians 1:21

Yes, I have quoted Matthew 6 a lot. Why? Would you like to know probably one of the greatest, or let's say most frequent sins I would say I commit... worry, anxiety, and wanting to be in control of my own "destiny" so to speak. Therefore, I am very thankful the Lord decided He wanted me to take the RUF internship journey. I've learned a great deal about trusting, letting go, and I have begun to see the ridiculousness of my anxiety.

Have you taken the Myers-Briggs? It's a fun thing... I am an INFJ... but that's a bit beside the point. I want to hone in on the J dichotomy. I am J to a T. What is a J you ask?

like to make decisions, or at least like to have things decided

structured • decided • organized • scheduled

Ok, I'm not that organized... but I like schedules, I like answers, I like plans, and I like to know what is going on at all times.
(btw, I do not really define myself by this test... but I think it gives a good little insight to the way the Lord has wired me)

That's a challenge when I had no control over what school I would go to, who I would be working with, or where my support would come from... not knowing when I will be moving to campus, etc.

See, I have a fear of things being out of control... my idol is control/security... and I am glad that the Lord has decided to break me of that... or at least begin to.

“You don’t realize Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have.”

- Timothy Keller

Ya'll, all I've got is Jesus. And He's enough.

However, the Lord did abundantly bless me with my placing.

Well... I came back from training in June prepared for raising support. I made my chart... I used a ruler and everything, probably made a few copies till it was just perfect. I had a name for each individual amount I needed to raise. I though, aha, I got this covered. I was a little nervous to start making the calls, but not too bad, because I was in control. Well, I made my first few calls and I got... We already support others so much... We can't support you right now... Voicemail (Never returned). And fear crept in... thinking, Lord, this is yours or its not happening. (And I had thought I already believed that... ha.) He was breaking me.

"'The Lord God is a sun and shield, the Lord will give grace and glory, no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.' - Psalm 84:11... And so my heart was at rest. I was satisfied with God. And all this springs, as I have often said before, from taking God at his word, believing what he says." - George Mueller

The LORD gives grace. No person, no method, nothing but Him.

And the Lord is our shield. A shield does not stand outside of the battle, but goes with you into the battle to keep you from destruction. So often the sufferings, the waiting, the longing are our shield, they are our protector because they are teaching us to trust Him, our Shield more.

"Making us like Jesus was God’s plan from the beginning. God ‘predestined’ or planned for us to be like his Son (Romans 8:29). Before God even made the world, his plan for you and me was to make us like Jesus. And everything that happens to us is part of that plan.”

- Tim Chester

Well, I did believe the Lord called me to this ministry through assessing strengths, life experiences, counsel from those much wiser than myself, and His Word. So, I decided, Lord, I give up... and if this is what you have called me to do, then you will provide.

Ya'll, he has. He has provided in SO many ways... and it has nothing to do with what I have done or who I am but all by the gracious working of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Today, I supposedly have raised $17,367 and have another promised amount on the way.

Therefore I have approximately $5,000 left to raise to move to campus... meaning I am at around 70%.

If you had asked me on that day after returning from training and began making phone calls if I believed God would have provided this amount of money by this date, I probably would not have said that I did. Fortunately, we were assigned to read the book of Mark during the month of June.

"Jesus looked at them and said, With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God." - Mark 10:27

That's all I could trust in. Today I received a good reminder from a friend about God's blessings...

"In Him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory." - Ephesians 1:11-12

Am I trusting in the blessing or the blesser? The creation or the Creator? I am blessed by Him through the things He gives me... but it is not the thing that He provides. It is all for His glory and to know Him more and glory in Him more. Funny, but there is a line from a song by one of my favorite band's Mumford and Sons that says...

"This city breathes the plague of loving things more than the creator"

I couldn't have said it better myself.

"For He Himself is our peace..." - Ephesians 2:14

So, prayer, please...

Pray for the final 15% to come in, preferably within the next two weeks.
Pray that I would trust in and take joy in the Creator rather than the created thing.
Pray that the Lord would be preparing my heart in specific ways to form relationships with the students I will be getting to know at Wake Forest.
Pray that I would take joy in Him today in Scottsboro, AL with my family... and not grow restless, seeing that I will not have the opportunity to have this summer again.

If there is any way that I can pray for you, please let me know. I want to know your stories, too.

If you would like to contribute to the fund, click here...

Donate to Wake Forest RUF

or mail a check with my name on it to

1700 N Brown Rd. Suite 104

Lawrenceville, GA

30043

And I am doing all of this because...

"Without the Gospel everything is useless and vain;

But by the knowledge of the Gospel we are made

children of God,

brothers of Jesus Christ,

fellow townsmen with the saints,

citizens of the kingdom of heaven,

heirs of God with Jesus Christ,

by whom

the poor are made rich,

the weak strong,

the fools wise,

the sinner justified,

the desolate comforted,

the doubting sure,

the slaves free."

- John Calvin

Truth... that's all.

2010-07-20T22:37:00.000-07:00

There really is nothing better that I could hear right now than this...

“Making us like Jesus was God’s plan from the beginning. God ‘predestined’ or planned for us to be like his Son (Romans 8:29). Before God even made the world, his plan for you and me was to make us like Jesus. And everything that happens to us is part of that plan.”

- Tim Chester

and this...

"The meaning of redemption is precisely that we do not have to be our own history." - Flannery O'Connor

and this...

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven." - Matthew 5:11

I only wish that I could fully grasp the latter.

thank you, derek.

2010-07-17T21:29:00.000-07:00

For being so real and honest and not being afraid to speak the truth. I am so thankful we have a God who is so countercultural and has redeemed all things by laying down His life for us.

"What is Not Love" - Derek Webb

what looks like failure is success
and what looks like poverty is riches
when what is true looks more like a knife

it looks like you’re killing me

but you’re saving my life

chorus

but i give myself to what looks like love

and i sell myself for what feels like love

and i pay to get what is not love

and all just because i see things upside down

what looks like weakness can do anything

and what looks like foolishness is understanding

when what is powerful has not come to fight

it looks like you’re going to war

but you lay down your life

chorus

what looks like torture is a time to rejoice

what sounds like thunder is a comforting voice

when what is beautiful looks broken and crushed

and i say i don’t know you

but you say it’s finished

when what is beautiful looks broken and crushed

and i say i don’t know you

but you say it’s finished"

“This is my endlessly recurrent temptation: to go down to that Sea (I think St. John of the Cross called God a sea) and there neither dive nor swim nor float, but only dabble and splash, careful not to get out of my depth and holding on to the lifeline which connects me with my things temporal.” - C.S. Lewis

"For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God." - 1 Corinthians 1:26-29

"For to me to lives is Christ and to die is gain." - Philippians 1:21

I've been everywhere, man...

2010-07-13T21:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I am a very tired girl... so, I am going to try to keep this brief. I just returned from a wedding weekend in Dalton, GA for my dear friend, Cabray, then headed northeast to Winston-Salem! Tomorrow, I will hop back in the car for Perdido Key and then back to wedding #4 of the season in Opelika, AL. However, my mind is so warped at this point that when I experience things, I think... this will make a good blog moment. Terrible, I know. So, I have been dying to share these pictures with ya'll.

I will give you a brief update, a verse, and a song, sound good?

The Lord has blessed me beyond measure to have the opportunity to minister alongside Kevin Teasley at Wake Forest University. I am overwhelmed by the Lord's goodness, grace, and faithfulness... maybe that was redundant, but I could not say enough words describe His love.

(A side note... I am definitely still in the process of raising support and watching the Lord provide. I am currently around about 45%. Continue to prayerfully consider contributing to this ministry that the Lord has called me to partake in.)

My dear friend, Amy Farnsworth, joined me on this excursion. It took us a while to get to Winston-Salem after a key incident and terrible traffic right outside of Asheville, NC. But, finally... we made it to the land of Wake Forest University. We drove straight to Redeemer Presbyterian in Ardmore where I was reminded of this story for, oh, maybe the 100th time.

"Then the LORD said to Joshua, "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men."... So the LORD was with Joshua, and his fame spread throughout the land."- Joshua 6:2,27

I am never ceasing to learn about God's promises and faithfulness through the Israelites.

I met my wonderful roommate for next year and a dear, sweet WFU RUF alumni. Then... tadada... I met Kevin and Rosie Teasley. I couldn't be more blessed by an RUF minister and his wife. We had dinner at lovely place called Village Tavern. The next day we toured every inch of campus... I adore this place and these people. Here are pictures.

A beautiful bed and breakfast where Oprah hosted a celebration for Maya Angelou's 80th birthday, I believe. (Not actually on campus)

Teasley!!

Inside Wait Chapel.

Outside Wait Chapel.

Student Union, I believe. (Correct me if I'm wrong)

Where RUF meets... but possibly in the works for a new location.

We ate at the top of the football stadium where they have recently built a restaurant.

The fabulous Kevin and Rosie Teasley.

demon deacon

Ames and I decided to explore Old Salem... where the Moravian culture lives.

It was overall an absolutely splendid visit. God continually confirms this is where He would like to use a weak, empty vessel like myself to feebly speak the Gospel through. My heart is already aching to get to know these students.

I was so thankful to be reminded of this verse tonight...
"For we do not present our pleas before you because of our righteousness, but because of your great mercy. O Lord hear, O Lord forgive... O my God... Delay not, because your city and your people are called by Your name." - Daniel 9:18-19

"Hidden in the hollow of His blessed hand,
Never foe can follow, never traitor stand;
Not a surge of worry, not a shade of care,
Not a blast of hurry can touch the spirit there.
Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blessed
Find in You perfect peace and rest
Every joy and testing comes from God above
Given to His children as an act of love
We may trust Him fully all for us to do
Those who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true."
- "Like a River Glorious", Travis Taylor & Frances Havergal

A few findings along the way.

2010-07-08T16:09:00.000-07:00

"O LORD,

I hang on thee; I see, believe, live,
when thy will, not mine, is done;
I can plead nothing in myself
in regard of any worthiness and grace,
in regard of thy providence and promises,
but only thy good pleasure.
If thy mercy make me poor and vile, blessed be thou!
Prayers arising from my needs are preparations for
future mercies;
Help me to honour thee by believing before I feel,
for great is the sin if I make a feeling a
cause of faith...

It is the meek and humble who are shown
thy covenant,
know thy will, are pardoned and healed,
who by faith depend and rest upon grace,
who are sanctified and quickened,
who evidence thy love.
Help me to pray in faith and so find thy will,
by leaning hard on thy rich free mercy,
by believing thou wilt give what thou hast
promised;
Strengthen me to pray with the conviction
that whatever I receive is thy gift,
so that I may pray until prayer be granted;
Teach me to believe that all degrees of mercy arise
from several degrees of prayer,
that when faith is begun it it imperfect and
must grow,
as chapped ground opens wider and wider
until rain comes.

So shall I wait thy will, pray for it to be done,
and by thy grace become fully obedient."

- from "Valley of Vision"

"This younger brother, then, is asking his father to tear his life apart. And the father does so, for the love of his son. Most of Jesus's listeners would have never seen a Middle Eastern patriarch respond like this. The father patiently endures a tremendous loss of honor as well as the pain of rejected love. Ordinarily when our love is rejected we get angry, retaliate, and do what we can to diminish our affection for the rejecting person, so we won't hurt so much. But this father maintains his affection for his son and bears the agony."
- The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller

my beloved marannook.

2010-07-05T18:39:00.000-07:00

So, you know how I just told you that I made a last minute decision to spend Friday night at Marannook? I am so thankful that I went. See, this morning I received a phone call from my friend, Amy. Manna Deck burned down in the middle of the night. Let me explain... Manna Deck is basically the heart of Marannook. This is where all meals are served, all Bible teaching is taught, all programs are performed. I, alone, have a myriad of memories on that deck... and I am only one of hundreds of counselors and thousands of campers. Get this... Manna Deck is in the middle of the woods. Not a single tree caught on fire outside of the deck. No one saw Manna deck on fire. It simply happened in the middle of the night and was gone in the morning when the kitchen girls woke up to prepare breakfast. You could only imagine the tragedy that could have occurred had anything caught on fire outside of the deck. All the cabins and training center are beyond the deck in the woods, so, the counselors and campers would most likely have been caught. Talk about having a sovereign God. Please pray for Mr. Charles and Mrs. Barbra to have wisdom as to know what to do next. Pray for the counselors while they take care of campers.

"Who has gone up to heaven and come down?

Who has gathered up the wind in the hollow of his hands?

Who has wrapped up the waters in his cloak?

Who has established all the ends of the earth?

What is his name, and the name of his son?

Tell me if you know!

"Every word of God is flawless;

he is a shield to those who take refuge in him."

- Proverbs 30:4-5

theme of my stories.

2010-07-04T11:38:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a very good weekend, albeit tiring. I connected with a myriad of old friends. I worked at wedding, I visited Marannook, and made a pitstop in Auburn. It was almost overwhelming to see so many different faces from so many different stages and arenas of my life. These people and these places have shaped me. God is a sovereign God, what I am learning probably more than anything else this summer. I am amazed by His goodness... and I do not mean that in the sense that I have had an easy, happy, abundant life (although I would suspect I have no clue just how easy and abundant it really has been). However, I start to get glimpses of how He knew what He was doing when I was having to persevere through trials... as I had conflict and victory in friendships... as I worked long hours at Marannook... as I grudgingly finished school. There was more going on in those moments and in those relationships then simply hanging out with one another or getting a job done. God was forming me. And, He does the same for you. He works all things together for the good of His purpose and His calling. And, even in seeing old faces and old places, I was even more encouraged and excited and anticipatory about the internship at Wake Forest... knowing the Lord has been preparing me and He is always at work.

"Morning by morning I wake up to find the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.

Season by season I watch him amazed, in awe of the mystery of his perfect ways.

Chorus: All I have need of his hand will provide.

He's always been faithful to me.

I can't remember a trial or a pain he did not recycle to bring me gain.

I can't remember one single regret in serving God only and trusting his hand.

Chorus . This is my anthem, this is my song, the theme of the stories I've heard for so long.

God has been faithful, he will be again.

His loving compassion, it knows no end."

- Sara Groves

And, in the meantime I will continue to hang out with these kiddos. They shape me, too.

simply, a quote.

2010-06-29T14:11:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure when I jotted this down or where it came from. However, I wrote it on a notecard at some point and my mother found it, liked it, and it's been on the side of refrigerator for the past couple of years. Today I read this little card on the side of the refrigerator and here is what it says...

"Let them put God between themselves and the difficulties that face them. Let them cast the whole responsibility upon God. Has He not thus brought you into difficulties, that He may have an opportunity of strengthening your faith, by giving some unexampled proof of His power? Wait only on the Lord, trust also in Him... He will provide." - F.B. Meyer

Good stuff, I tell ya. Pretty appropriate.

"Notice the lilies of the field, they do not toil nor spin..." - matt. 6:28

i will give you.

2010-06-25T22:07:00.000-07:00

How is support raising going? How is your summer going? When do you move to Wake Forest? These are very reasonable questions and I would ask the same ones and do ask the same ones. However, I have not quite mastered the answer. I really don't like to say good... that by no means encompasses how things are going... but bad would not either. Yet, I don't like to bore the average passerby with a long story about the ways in which the Lord is changing my heart. Maybe I should, but then sometimes I might end up telling you too much. So right now, let me tell you the ways in which our sovereign God is working and challenging me and encouraging me. Maybe, in some way my story can encourage you, too.

"And He was saying, "Abba! Father! All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will."

- Mark 14:36

“‘Come unto me,’ he says, ‘and I will give you.’ You say, ‘Lord, I cannot give you anything.’ He does not want anything. Come to Jesus, and he says, ‘I will give you.’ Not what you give to God, but what he gives to you, will be your salvation. ‘I will give you‘ — that is the gospel in four words." - C.H. Spurgeon

This verse and this quote pretty much sum it all up.

The week started out hard. I was going to start fundraising with a bang on Monday... but only experienced disappointment. I had one experience that left me confused and saddened. However, my mom was gracious to sit and listen to me cry... and we looked at scripture and tadadada.... the life of George Mueller. Read this.

"By life's end, a 19th century pastor named George Mueller had built five large orphan houses and cared for 10,024 orphans. The entire time, he depended on God's response to his prayer of faith to supply the needs of the orphans in his care...

(these are Mueller's words)

Many people are willing to believe regarding those things that seem probable to them. Faith has nothing to do with probabilities. The province of FAITH begins where probabilities cease and sight and sense fail... I say - and say it deliberately - trials, obstacles, difficulties, and sometimes defeats, are the very food of Faith... in the last half century of labor I've been able, with the simplicity of a child, to rely upon God. I have had my trials, but I have laid hold upon God, and so it has come to pass that I have been sustained... At first I was able to trust the Lord for ten dollars, then for a hundred dollars, then for a thousand dollars, and now, with the greatest ease, I could trust Him for a million dollars, if there was occasion. But first, I should quietly, carefully, deliberately examine and see whether what I was trusting for, was something in accordance with His promises in His written Word."

Then, he reminded me of the verses Matthew 6:25-34.

"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on... Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?... But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, will He not much more clothe you, oh you of little faith?... But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you. So, do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will care for itself."

I can not tell you a passage in scripture that has been referred to me more. I feel like God keeps saying to me... "Oh you of little faith."

Well, my mom and I have been on our knees, committing support raising to prayer... seeking His will above all else. Back to the scripture in Mark, when Jesus is in the garden of Gethsemene. Jesus confesses that nothing is impossible with Christ. He did not desire to take the cup of wrath. Yet, He wanted to do the will of His Father above all else. My prayer over and over has been your will be done. This week has been such a humbling week. It was in the next two days that I got encouragement from four different individuals... only one of which I sought out. However, I did not seek him out in a sense of "give me money" but hey, I would just like to talk to you. God has been faithful to me. I love Him very much. However, I have been so convicted of my lack of faith. I have been saddened by my unwillingness to give. I have been having those moments of if only I would have done this, if I only I could have done that differently. Again, that only proves my distrust in His grace. But, as usual, my Father is patient with me and reminded me of these two things...

(again, the life of George Mueller, the man who trusted God with every cent for 5 orphanages serving over 10,000 orphans)

"His father was an unbeliever and George grew up a liar and a thief, by his own testimony. His mother died when he was 14, and he records no impact that this loss had on him except that while she was dying he was roving the streets with his friends half intoxicated. He went on living a bawdy life, and then found himself in prison for stealing when he was 16 years old...

Then on a Saturday afternoon in the middle of November, 1825, when Mueller was 20 years old, he was invited to a Bible study and, by the grace of God, felt the desire to go. I have not the least doubt, that on that evening, [God] began a work of grace in me. . . . That evening was the turning point in my life."

"Our lives are also cluttered with a lot of 'if onlys.' 'If only I had done this', or 'if only that had not happened.' But again, God has no 'if onlys.' God never makes a mistake; God has no regrets. 'As for God, his way is perfect' (Psalm 18:30). We can trust God. He is trustworthy." - Jerry Bridges

I have absolutely nothing to do with my salvation... It is all simply by the grace of God. I also have no room to decide God's will for my life. Again, He has ordained my past and He is ordaining my present and will ordain my future. Therefore, I can rest. That by no means discounts my obedience to Christ. Instead, I should be so insanely in awe with His graciousness and love that I long to serve Him and obey Him with every breath. It's a crazy little mystery, huh?

All of this to say, I am completely humbled by the grace of God. I am humbled by the generosity of my friends, and God's body of believers. I am learning not to rest on the obvious circumstances, but instead rely wholly on Christ. I am praying, praying, praying... and He says what we offer in prayer, if we have faith, we ought to believe it will come to pass.

Therefore, I can get excited for Wake Forest. I can listen to sermons and plan games and get excited about the students there. Because, I anticipate what God has promised will come to pass. I anticipate His will will be done, no matter what. He is a ridiculously faithful God!!

faith and prayer.

2010-06-21T12:50:00.001-07:00

"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the Word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear" (Hebrews 11:1)

"WHAT IS FAITH? In the simplest manner in which I am able to express it, I answer: Faith is the assurance that the thing which God has said in His Word is true, and that God will act according to what He has said in His Word. This assurance, this reliance on God's Word, this confidence is FAITH."

- George Mueller

i want to be honest with you. today has been hard... but, that's ok because as James wrote, trials, hardships are what produce perseverance and what make us more like Christ.

my mom pointed me to the life of George Mueller. he is a man who cared for over 10,000 orphans in 5 different orphanages, all simply by the provision of God. george mueller trusted God... he had faith in Him... and God provided. it had nothing to do with the strength of george mueller's faith, but everything to do with who he put his faith in.

so, today...

- please pray that i would trust a God who provides.

- i would look wholly to Him and not on my circumstances.

- pray that He would provide the funds for me to go to Wake Forest...

simply for His will to be done, for His Kingdom to come here on earth.

because none of this has to do with Kate... i want it all to be for Him.

i pray the same would be true for you.

he kept going (from "of first importance")

2010-06-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

“It had gone on for three years. Three years of patiently teaching and doing good, with only misunderstanding and hostility in return. He was tempted to say, ‘I quit — I don’t need this.’ But instead he said, ‘Not my will but yours be done.’ A few hours later he hung on a cross, nails cutting into his limbs, lungs struggling for air, crowds spitting venom. He was tempted to say, ‘I quit. I’m coming down.’ But instead he said, ‘Father, forgive them.’ He kept going until he could cry, ‘It is finished.’”

- Tim Chester, You Can Change

2010-06-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

Will you come and have it? It lies open before you.”

C. H. Spurgeon

the VBS verse for the week was something i needed to hear...

"But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him." - James 1:5

Pilgrim Days

Seeing the fruit flourish.

the Church.

So, what's going on with RUF at Wake Forest?

Joy in suffering.

Support Needed

He is good, and doeth good [in China], good only, and continually.

"the great unchangable I AM"

What's ahead?

my heart shall become your heart.

mockingbird sun.

In the Hours

Grace & Works Continued...

Faith vs. Works

The Highlights

I Asked the Lord

Christmas party, snow, and SEC champs

the close of the semester.

Be Thou My Vision.

refreshed.

He is my Help.

prayer requests or maybe just a big spill.

mini update.

Parent's Brunch

"the golden evening brightens in the west"

Redemption for His glory.

lay me down

Newsletter

Picture Update.

Quotable.

"you must be Mine."

Life as a Wake Forest RUF intern.

Picnic Pictures

Guide me oh thou great jehovah.

"HE must win the battle."

Oh My Sweet Carolina.

In every turning, He will prepare you with grace upon grace...

Pilgrim Days.

Gettin' closer...

A prayer.

Update Tres.

Far too deep for human reason... (SUPPORT UPDATE)

"By Whom the doubting are made sure..." (support update)

Truth... that's all.

thank you, derek.

I've been everywhere, man...

A few findings along the way.

my beloved marannook.

theme of my stories.

simply, a quote.

i will give you.

faith and prayer.

he kept going (from "of first importance")