i will give you.

How is support raising going? How is your summer going? When do you move to Wake Forest? These are very reasonable questions and I would ask the same ones and do ask the same ones. However, I have not quite mastered the answer. I really don't like to say good... that by no means encompasses how things are going... but bad would not either. Yet, I don't like to bore the average passerby with a long story about the ways in which the Lord is changing my heart. Maybe I should, but then sometimes I might end up telling you too much. So right now, let me tell you the ways in which our sovereign God is working and challenging me and encouraging me. Maybe, in some way my story can encourage you, too.

"And He was saying, "Abba! Father! All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will."

- Mark 14:36

“‘Come unto me,’ he says, ‘and I will give you.’ You say, ‘Lord, I cannot give you anything.’ He does not want anything. Come to Jesus, and he says, ‘I will give you.’ Not what you give to God, but what he gives to you, will be your salvation. ‘I will give you‘ — that is the gospel in four words." - C.H. Spurgeon

This verse and this quote pretty much sum it all up.

The week started out hard. I was going to start fundraising with a bang on Monday... but only experienced disappointment. I had one experience that left me confused and saddened. However, my mom was gracious to sit and listen to me cry... and we looked at scripture and tadadada.... the life of George Mueller. Read this.

"By life's end, a 19th century pastor named George Mueller had built five large orphan houses and cared for 10,024 orphans. The entire time, he depended on God's response to his prayer of faith to supply the needs of the orphans in his care...

(these are Mueller's words)

Many people are willing to believe regarding those things that seem probable to them. Faith has nothing to do with probabilities. The province of FAITH begins where probabilities cease and sight and sense fail... I say - and say it deliberately - trials, obstacles, difficulties, and sometimes defeats, are the very food of Faith... in the last half century of labor I've been able, with the simplicity of a child, to rely upon God. I have had my trials, but I have laid hold upon God, and so it has come to pass that I have been sustained... At first I was able to trust the Lord for ten dollars, then for a hundred dollars, then for a thousand dollars, and now, with the greatest ease, I could trust Him for a million dollars, if there was occasion. But first, I should quietly, carefully, deliberately examine and see whether what I was trusting for, was something in accordance with His promises in His written Word."

Then, he reminded me of the verses Matthew 6:25-34.

"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on... Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?... But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, will He not much more clothe you, oh you of little faith?... But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you. So, do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will care for itself."

I can not tell you a passage in scripture that has been referred to me more. I feel like God keeps saying to me... "Oh you of little faith."

Well, my mom and I have been on our knees, committing support raising to prayer... seeking His will above all else. Back to the scripture in Mark, when Jesus is in the garden of Gethsemene. Jesus confesses that nothing is impossible with Christ. He did not desire to take the cup of wrath. Yet, He wanted to do the will of His Father above all else. My prayer over and over has been your will be done. This week has been such a humbling week. It was in the next two days that I got encouragement from four different individuals... only one of which I sought out. However, I did not seek him out in a sense of "give me money" but hey, I would just like to talk to you. God has been faithful to me. I love Him very much. However, I have been so convicted of my lack of faith. I have been saddened by my unwillingness to give. I have been having those moments of if only I would have done this, if I only I could have done that differently. Again, that only proves my distrust in His grace. But, as usual, my Father is patient with me and reminded me of these two things...

(again, the life of George Mueller, the man who trusted God with every cent for 5 orphanages serving over 10,000 orphans)

"His father was an unbeliever and George grew up a liar and a thief, by his own testimony. His mother died when he was 14, and he records no impact that this loss had on him except that while she was dying he was roving the streets with his friends half intoxicated. He went on living a bawdy life, and then found himself in prison for stealing when he was 16 years old...

Then on a Saturday afternoon in the middle of November, 1825, when Mueller was 20 years old, he was invited to a Bible study and, by the grace of God, felt the desire to go. I have not the least doubt, that on that evening, [God] began a work of grace in me. . . . That evening was the turning point in my life."

"Our lives are also cluttered with a lot of 'if onlys.' 'If only I had done this', or 'if only that had not happened.' But again, God has no 'if onlys.' God never makes a mistake; God has no regrets. 'As for God, his way is perfect' (Psalm 18:30). We can trust God. He is trustworthy." - Jerry Bridges

I have absolutely nothing to do with my salvation... It is all simply by the grace of God. I also have no room to decide God's will for my life. Again, He has ordained my past and He is ordaining my present and will ordain my future. Therefore, I can rest. That by no means discounts my obedience to Christ. Instead, I should be so insanely in awe with His graciousness and love that I long to serve Him and obey Him with every breath. It's a crazy little mystery, huh?

All of this to say, I am completely humbled by the grace of God. I am humbled by the generosity of my friends, and God's body of believers. I am learning not to rest on the obvious circumstances, but instead rely wholly on Christ. I am praying, praying, praying... and He says what we offer in prayer, if we have faith, we ought to believe it will come to pass.

Therefore, I can get excited for Wake Forest. I can listen to sermons and plan games and get excited about the students there. Because, I anticipate what God has promised will come to pass. I anticipate His will will be done, no matter what. He is a ridiculously faithful God!!